Bringing Kenley home

I may forget a lot of things in my lifetime and I may not remember things exactly how they happened but I will NEVER forget the day we brought her home and the feelings I experienced that day.

Every day I arrived at the NICU and walked down that long hallway to go see Kenley I always imagined what the day would be like when she got discharged and we got to take her home. I planned on having the hallways lined with family and friends like a parade when we got to leave with her.

The day we got to take her home was a fabulous day but a scary one too! Just the day before, Kenley had been suited up with a take home monitor that I had to be schooled on in 15 minutes flat. Jim was at work so he wasn't there to learn how to put it on, take it off, turn it on, turn it off, what you do if the alarms go off and on and on. So here I am trying to remember everything this lady is telling me and hoping that I remember it correctly. Of course, that monitor became like second nature to Jim and I because she had to wear it for almost 3 months.

That entire day was so surreal to me. I remember getting up that morning and getting ready and even getting teary eyed as we drove to the hospital. We had driven that same route an ENDLESS amount of times and the fact that the day that we didn't have to drive it EVER again had arrived was so bittersweet to us. We were at the hospital for awhile. Its not like we walked in, scooped her up and got to leave. We had to wait for her doctor to draw up the discharge papers and for him to finally come in and give Kenley one last evaluation and then sign off on the papers. We also had paper work to fill out and a run down of when her first pediartic appointment was, her first opthamologist appointment was and her first developmental clinic appointment was. We had to sign off that we knew these appointments were important and if we missed them then we could not hold that doctor responsible for any "further damage" that might occur to Kenley by not bringing her.

We had Kenleys nurse that day, Helen, who was great but we also had Donna show up to see us off. Those two made sure we were stocked with everything we needed. Apparently, anything that had been used on Kenley while she was there was now her property, aka anything in her room, so they got two or three plastic bags and tossed everything in! Diapers, wipes, ointments, bath wash, her little pink tub, all the little tobogans she had ever worn on her head, and even the hand made quilt that had covered her isolet when she was first born. Also lots of formula that we would need. It was the best experience! To have these two ladies basically clearing out the room for us and making sure we had everything we needed was just amazing...I wish I could describe in even better detail how that time went and how I felt.

We got Kenley dressed in her going home outfit, Dr. Moya came and gave her the all clear, my mom arrived, Jim went and pulled the car to the front of the hospital and we were off!!! Helen and Donna walked us out, after we got K all snug in her carseat, and it was the most Amazing feeling! It was like I was in a dream. I felt like I was floating the whole way out of that place. I always thought I would boohoo the entire way out but I couldn't stop smiling. I think I always thought I would cry because at any given time while she was there, I could bust into tears, but that day was just too joyous for tears, even happy ones. While I was overjoyed to be taking K home, I was also sad to be leaving, what I considered my second home. I had just spent 2 months of my life getting to know the nurses and spending almost every waking moment in this hospital and that has now come to a sudden and abrupt end. I never thought about how it would be after we got her home. The sudden friendships that came to a screeching halt and the completly different life we would now lead. My life was that NICU for so long and then just like that, life had changed. I didn't walk into the hospital one day, have a bay and get to leave with that baby a couple days later like most other mommys get to. I got to know nurses and doctors and other people that were all of a sudden not in my daily or weekly life anymore. They didn't prep me for that. I didn't realize that that within itself would be a hard transition. I wanted to take my girl home but I didn't want to not ever see some of those people again. But sadly that's been the case. When you leave the NICU you also leave the people that have so lovinly taken care of your baby and you for so long. Those nurses are angels walking around on earth. God has put special hearts into each and everyone of them.

The ride home went quick. We got K inside, I sat her down, looked at her in her carseat and said to jim "what do we do now???". And so began our journey of FINALLY being parents...well that what it felt like to us.

To have or not to have...that is the question

This may seem premature...no pun intended...but Jim and I were asked this question today and I can't help but think about it or even dwell on it. "So have you guys started thinking about #2?". I guess its just natural for people to automatically ask that or even be inquisitive about it after your first born. I wish I could have replied "Yep, there will be a number 2 and we plan on having it when Kenley is so and so age.". But I can't say that. So my response is, "Well, if we can figure out my issues first, then we'll see.". And those that don't know about my funky uterus just kind of look at me as if they understand what I'm talking about. Truth is I wish I could go ahead and start thinking about Baby Copeland #2, I know kind of soon seeing as K is only 9 months old right now, but I'm a planner and like to have things thought out and planned out ahead of time.(Not that I'm in control of anything...I know who is in control) But I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I'm not sure there will be a Baby C #2. Not that I would be disappointed with just having Kenley because she's a blessing within herself but at the same time I don't want her to be an only child. In a way I feel like I was cheated out of my pregnancy. I didn't get to do half the things I wanted to with Kenley. No belly cast (yes silly maybe but I always wanted to do one just to have for myself and as a kind of momento type of thing). No 3D/4D images, no child bearing classes (not that I feel we missed out on learning anything but I still wanted to have the option to participate) no enjoying being pregnant the entire 40 weeks and having a regular birth (again, not that I would have neccessarily enjoyed it but dangit, I wanted that option). No 2 day hospital stay and being able to be wheeled out of the hospital with my newborn on my lap as I saw SO many times while K was in the NICU, and I could go on and on. I know I know, most people would say stop complaining, you have a healthy baby at home right now and there are so many mommies that don't even get to bring their precious babies home with them. Please believe that I am so grateful for my girl and even though she came early, I am still thankful to our Lord for the time she did stay in my belly. Please don't get me wrong...my heart aches for the families that never get to bring their angels home...God bless them.

Also I'm petrified of having another preemie. I'm not sure I could endure emotionally another early baby. So if there is a good chance that another child would be a Kenley #2, I'm pretty sure Jim and I are done. My doctor told me right after K was born when she was informing me of what she thought my issue was, that #2 would definitely be another c-section and would most likely be another preemie. Now how early would be up for discussion because knowing now what we know, there would be many preventative measures taken to keep it in as long as possible. Well now I don't seem to have the original issue that my doctor thought I had so I'm not sure where that leaves us. She wants me to have one more procedure done where she goes in with a camera and takes a look for herself. I think its great because we'll know for sure what's going on in there but with Jims new insurance, its coverage isn't as good and it would cost money that we don't have right now to get it done. And I'm fine with that. I don't feel like I need to have it done tomorrow but within this next year I would like to get it done if for nothing else, piece of mind. What the final diagnosis is will be our deciding factor for trying to have another baby.

This had just been on my mind tonight since being asked that question and I just wanted to write about it. If I get the all clear, whenever that might be, then we will definitely try and hope and pray for another little bundle of joy but if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be. It's not something I'm going to spend time worrying about or stressing over because in the end I know it's out of my hands anyways.

Kenley's Hemangiomas

I've wanted to write about this for awhile but wasn't quite sure what to say.  Yes I can explain what it is and what not but I wanted to go deeper than that.  There are so many people out there that have NEVER heard of a hemangioma (or strawberry) but on the flip side I have met people that know exactly what it is.  I was also hesitant to touch on the subject because I didn't want it to come across as me being superficial or just worried about how my daughter looks.  Thats not it by any means.  She's beautiful to me no matter what.  She could have 15 hemangiomas on her face and I would still love her the same. (now dont get me wrong, when I was first told about it and what it was I was worried for her looks...I didn't want her to get teased or treated any differently because of it)  What I worry about is her self confidence and the possible ridicule she could one day receive from other children.  You know it's funny...kids have NO censor to them.  When we come across a little kid out in public the first thing they look at, and usually keep looking at is her "bump" and most even just come right out and turn to their parents and ask what it is.  Or even point at it and say "thats a big bump!"  Thats on example of one childs reaction that saw her over our Thanksgiving break.  I wasn't there to witness it, my mom was holding her at the time.  I don't mind those little kids comments at all.  They don't know any better.  They are just saying what they see which is a "bump" on her face.  Most parents are horrified that their children would point something like that out but I just smile and say "It's fine" when they apologize over and over again for their child saying anything.  I even welcome it when other adults do ask what it is.  I would rather they ask and me give them an answer then they not ask and see the wheels turning in their head as they stare at it and try to figure out what it is.

We came across a guy just recently that asked if it was a cancerous tumor.  He prefaced it with "I hope you don't mind me asking" which I think he thought would make it all better but really?  It actually is a tumor, a noncancerous one but it is classified as a tumor.  What if it was cancerous?  I wonder how he would have felt then and would ever reconsider asking another mom and dad the same question if he ran into a child with one on their face again.  It didn't really bother me, I just thought it was kind of odd.   Anyways... Kenley actually has a total of 4 on her body.  One on the back of her head, on the side of her head, one on her shoulder blade and the one on her chin.  I was told that as long as there were 5 or less they would not go searching for more.  Meaning, I guess, that if there are 5 or more on a childs body that can be seen then there are likely more growing inside of them, like in their liver or throat area.  So thats one blessing to be thankful for.  That it stinks she has one in such an obvious spot but it could be WAY worse.  The two on her head are actually about the same size today as they were when we brought her home from the hospital.  The one on her shoulder blade is a little bigger but I actually like that one.  Its a really cute one.  Too bad the cute one couldn't have been on her face.

The one on her chin started as a tiny tiny little red dot that showed up 2 weeks after she was born.  I remember the day very well.  We had just gotten done with Kangaroo Care and her doctor had come into the room to examine her for the day.  He found the little dot on her chin and goes whats that?  I told him we had just gotten done with Kangarooing and maybe she was laying on one of the buttons on my shirt or something and it pinched the skin and made a mark.  He agreed that it could have been that but then the next day, when it was a little bit bigger he says to me, "No, I know what that is."  He tells me its more than likely a hemangioma also called a stawberry and that it would contiune to get bigger.  It would grow through the first year of her life and then slowly start to disappear.  And if it never totally went away we could always have a plastic surgeon look at it and they could take care of it.  At this point the ones on her head and back and hadn't even appeared yet.  I had a stawberry on my rear end when I was little.  I can still see the outline from where it used to be but its something that is only noticeable to me.

So it has gotten bigger, and it has gotten redder but it actually looks a lot better now then right after she came home from the hospital.  At first when it was much smaller it would rub against her clothes and bleed and form these scary looking scabs.  The scab would fall off and then it would happen all over again.  Finally the scab healed over and it no longer bled.  It now has started to clear itself up from the middle out.  I can tell it has stopped growing but the clearing is very slow and gradual.

Right after her doctor told me what it was, me, the queen of google, went home and googled it.  I read that it was very common and that one in five babies is born with one.  And that they are very common in white, preemie girls.  Makes sense.  It goes through three stages.  A growing stage, a resting stage and a disappearing stage.  I have a feeling right now its in its resting stage.  I am hoping soon though that it starts its disappearing stage.

When we had our developmental check-up in October, the nurse practicioner she saw wanted us to take her to the hemangioma specialist at UNC just to see what he said about it.  She said he might look at it, say it it was it is, it will go away, leave it alone, have a nice day.  Or he might want to try to help it go away a little faster.  Apparently there are new studies out about certain drugs or ways to make hemangiomas go away faster.  So I'm just interested in what he has to say.

Like my mom has said, the Lord is trying to teach us something here.  Theres a reason she has this on her face.  Who knows what it is.  I have a feeling its a life lesson for me though.  Beauty is only skin deep...don't judge a book by its cover...Its not what is on the outside that counts but what's on the inside.  I know these lessons from being taught them when I was little but sometimes people need to be reminded.  Regardless, I know people look at her differently because of it and I'm ok with that.  We are a beauty infested world where everyone is judged on their looks.  If you are little different, people look at your differently.  It doesn't make me love her any less.  I can only hope one day that we as a society can get over placing SO much importance on looks.  If we all looked the same it would be a boring world.  That's why God made is all different and unique, outside and in. 

Our final weeks...

So the biggest hurdle Kenley had to jump while in the NICU was getting down this technique.  Of course with term babies we never give this a second thought because they are born and right away start to eat and do just fine.  In having a preemie, you have to remember that they are still developing and growing, just outside of your belly.  This technique isn't usually formed in babies until around 34 weeks.  So we first tried a bottle with her when she was 33 weeks....a little early but hey, some babies might get it quicker then others.  Nurse Donna (one of our favs) was the nurse that first helped us to try to get Kenley used to the bottle and to see if she had it down yet.  Of course, she didn't.  At first I would be really nervous about bottle feeding her because as soon as her heart rate dipped her monitor would go off and its a really scary thing to look at a number that should be in the 100s and its in the 50s or 40s.  For that first week of trying the bottle with her that monitor went off A LOT!  When we first started I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off it.  I wanted to be able to see when her heart rate was dipping and rub her back and get her to take a breath.  Eventually Jim and I became so used to her that we would be able to be a step ahead of the monitor and know when she needed to take a breath and sit her up or rub her neck before the monitor even had a second thought about going off.  Soon I only kept my eyes on her and became so used to her eating rhythm.  Usually she would be so hungry that as soon as she wrapped her lips around the nipple she would suck suck suck suck and suck so much that she would forget to take a breath and sometimes it would happen so fast that it would set the monitor off but we eventually got to a point where the monitor would go off only a once or so at the beginning and then never again during the rest of her feeding.

She still had her feeding tube in because they would do one feeding through the tube, another feeding through the bottle.  She was still getting formula for extra calories and they made it so her tube feedings were the formula and bottle feedings were milk.  She did NOT like the formula.  If they tried to give her formula through the bottle, her monitor would go off again and again and again.  But at the same time we knew a time would come when the tube would be out and she would have to take formula from the bottle.  I was not looking forward to that day.  But surprisingly she actually got used to the formula and when we brought her home she had no problem drinking it.

I remember this part well.  We came to see Kenley one last time on a Saturday night and we arrived to a baby with NO tube in her nose!  Huge thing for us because we had not seen Kenley's face without something on it since the day she was born.  Her nurse had informed us that it had fallen out and instead of trying to put it back in, she was just going to keep it out and see how she did with her feedings.  By this time she was doing pretty much every feeding by mouth and didn't need the tube as much anymore anyways.  So when we came in Sunday, still no tube and when I came in on that Monday morning, still no tube!  So we were finally headed in the right direction.  As long as she kept gaining weight and kept the tube out of her nose she would be going home soon!!!

It was time for her afternoon feeding and the nurse gave me her bottle and left us alone.  Well lets just say that feeding was less than productive.  For whatever reason she was not having it.  She did not want to finish her bottle.  At this time Kenley had a certain amount she had to eat and in a certain amount of time.  As long as she did what she was supposed to the tube stayed out.  Well the nurse came back in and checked on us and saw that she hadn't finised her bottle and it looked like she needed to put her tube back in.  I was DEVASTATED!!!!   Not only was her tube going back in but I WAS THE ONE that pretty much made it have to go back in.  I stood by Kenley's head while she did it and watched.  Usually Jim was the one to stay in the room whenever they drew blood or did anything to make her unhappy but he wasn't there that day so I had to stay.  To watch that tube go up her nose and watch her squirm and twist made me want to die.  I felt so incredibly bad for her.  I cried the whole time, though I somehow kept it from the nurse and kept crying while I got her back out of her crib and settled on me for a nap.  The nurse left us again and I was crying my eyes out.  Jim called me on my phone and right when I picked up to talk to him my mom and dad came walking through the door.  And stopped dead in their tracks.  I told Jim I would call him back and told mom and dad what had happened.  I had a hard time getting it out while crying but they walked in and instantly thought something was wrong with her.  I started out that she was fine, but then explained about the tube.  I remember saying I felt like she was never getting out of that place.  We had taken three steps forward and two steps back.  The rest of that week was focused on her feeds and trying to get her out of the hospital.  I remember nurses stopping by our room and saying "She hasn't gone home yet?"  b/c she was doing so well. 

The tube came back out and I walked in Friday morning to see Donna as her nurse!  Yay!!! Donna tells me its time to get the ball rolling, she is working on getting her out of here.  She scheduled her hearing test and wanted to do her carseat test.  I think if we had had any other nurse that day, Kenley would have been in the hospital a few days past the day she came home.  She was so proactive and thats what we needed right then.  She passed her carseat test with flying colors and her hearing test.  Now we just waited for the news from the doc about what day she was headed home.  My birthday was that Sunday and we talked to her doc that day and he told us that if we were comfortable with it, then Tuesday would be the day.  We could always wait an extra day and she could come home on Wednesday...uuummm, no thanks, Tuesday is GREAT!!!  That was the best birthday present I could have EVER received.  The only downside was she was coming home on a monitor. Even though her doc informed us that sending her home on a monitor was little bit of overkill because the only time her heart rate dipped was at the beginning of feeds and Jim and I knew her well enough to know when she needed to take a breath and what to do.  But he said he would rather be safe then sorry.  She only needed to wear it while she ate and at night.  That monday they showed up with the monitor and gave me a tutorial on how to use it.  I was just hoping I would be able to remember it all to explain to Jim.  And I did!

Yay!!! She's coming home!  It is Monday, April 26th...57 days in the NICU...Coming home on Tuesday, April 27th for a grand total of 58 days in the New Hanover Regional Hospital NICU...just two days shy of being there for 2 months.  The day she comes home needs its own post!!!

Back on track

OK, back to the story...

So Kenley had her picc line done on Monday March 7th and that was a very traumatizing day for us. Every day after that I would be on pins and needles whenever I would walk into her room because I was never sure as to what I would be walking into. I feel like through this whole process I aged about 10 years. It was a tough ordeal to go through, obviously.

So here began my daily routine of getting up in the morning, getting ready, going to the hospital and spending the morning and afternoon with Kenley. Then I would drive home to meet Jim and we would go back to the hospital for the evening. Depending on how the day was for Kenley we would either leave right before shift change, at 6:45 and go home to get some house work done for the day or we would stay through shift change and not leave until 7:45 or 8. It made for some very long days, especially for Jim but we did that for 2 months. Sometimes I would just stay at the hospital and Jim would come home from work, let the dogs out and then just meet me at the hospital. That only happened a few times. It was harder for us when we did it that way because that meant I was with her from about 11 in the morning until we left that evening and being in a room with no window for about 8 hours is rough on you.

They started finally giving Kenley milk (if I remember correctly) soon after her picc line. About a week after that they started giving her fortified milk which they give to all the babies. My milk did not have enough of what she needed being so small so they fortify it which helps her gain weight faster and helps strengthen her bones. Even before I had been discharged from the hospital we had a lady come talk to us about a study. Kenley qualified for the study based on I believe it was her weight at birth. For years now they have been using a certain type of fortifier and they have recently been studing a new kind. (You think I would remember this but for some reason I don't. Either the old fortifier was powder or the new fortifier was...something to that extent). Well anyways, it was up to jim and I if we wanted her to participate in the study. We wouldn't know which kind she was on, only the nurses that mixed her milk would know and no matter what we decided, she was going to get fortified milk so it really didn't matter what we decided. They would come in each week and measure her length and head and chart her growth. Jim and I decided to do the study. Wouldn't hurt so why not. The lady that talked with us about this also gave me a hospital grade pump to take home and use. I didn't realize this at the time but a preemies suck is different then a full term babies suck so I needed a pump that was ultra strong. Not the pumps they sell in the stores though I did end up getting one of those anyways because I would need it after I brought her home. So I had a pump at home, one in Kenleys room and besides spending time with Kenley, I feel like my life revolved around pumping. Every three hours. I was neurotic about it. I got freaked out because I had so many people say "make sure you pump EVERY three hours! If you don't your milk will dry up". Of course this freaked me out so my first night home I was getting ready to set my alarm to get up in the middle of the night to pump until Jim talked some sense into me. I needed rest. My milk was not going to dry up if I went 6 hours without pumping. So I would pump right before I went to bed and get up when Jim would to pump in the morning. And I guess some moms of preemies have trouble producing milk, with all the stree and what not I see why, but not me, I was like a cow when it came to giving milk. I had even stocked up so much milk at the hospital that they ended up sending some back home with me because I was overflowing in my spot in the fridge.

So after the started fortifing her milk, her doc at the time decided to up her calories. We were warned that some babies don't take well to the higher calorie so if she showed any sign of not taking it well, they would take her back down. Well soon after starting, her belly suddenly got big and up until they took out her feeding tube, they were always measuring and re-measuring her belly. I believe she just has a big belly! But anyways, there is a life threating thing that can happen in preemies bellies and they keep out an eye for a bloated belly because that can be an indication. So as soon as that happened they stopped her feedings and took a couple days of xrays. In the end, her belly settled back down and there was nothing wrong, thank the Lord. That could have gone in a completly different direction. So she went about 3 days without getting milk, but she was still getting nutrients through her IV. The crappy thing about stopping her feedings was that she now had to start all the way over again. Back from square one. 2 mls of milk. About half a tea spoon. Not much right. They have to start small and work up. You can't be giving a baby that small tons of milk right of the bat. She is still supposed to be growing and forming in me, her intestines are still developing. Bless her heart. I go back to those days when she was a little helpless thing and my heart breaks for her.

So we had passed another hurddle. Now every day it was just making sure we kept an eye on her belly and as long as she was gaining weight, we were headed in the right direction.

She had an echo of her heart done a couple weeks after being born because they heard a murmur but thankfully whatever hole was there has now closed up. She had an ultrasound done on her head right after being born to see if there were any bleeds and again, thank the Lord, there were not. And the biggest thing I was worried about, a blood transfusion that I just knew was going to have to happen, never did. For her being born so early and so small she made it out of the hospital without having ANY of the issues Dr. Javier had talked to us about. Her nurses would always talk about how fiesty she was. She did NOT like to be fussed with the first few weeks and she would let you know if you messed with her and it ticked her off. I knew I had a strong willed girl on my hands and though this was great to get her through her hospital stay, it made me think and worry about how I am going to deal with this when she gets older. I can already tell she is going to have a temper. When she is mad she let's you know loud and clear.

I guess this is really all to say about her journey...no its not. (Got more to talk about) The rest of her time there she just pretty much occupied a room. She focused on eating and getting bigger. We still did kangaroo and when she got a bit bigger we started holding her in a cradle position. Her picc line came out after 2 and half weeks and she had her nasal canula for 12 days. She did have her feeding tube for awhile. For some reason she had a really hard time getting the suck, swallow, breath technique down. And now that I think about it, that was our last issue with her there. So there is more to talk about. Learning how to eat from a bottle for her was tough stuff. My next post will be about that and her final weeks in the NICU.

My Issues

Again, I'm going off track and I promise to return but as these new things take place I feel compelled to write about them.

I am having an MRI done tomorrow and needless to say I am a bit nervous. I am a claustrophobic person. I do not like small spaces. I do not even like being in elevators for an extended amount of time so I am worried I will not make it through this. I was given the option to take a valium before the procedure and I think I am going to. I am not a fan of taking medicine period because my body responds weird to it sometimes but if I ever want to figure out what is exactly wrong with me, I need to have this done.

I had mentioned in an earlier blog that when I was having my c-section, Dr. Pierson asked me if anyone had ever told me that I had a bicornuate uterus. A normal uterus is shaped like an upside down triangle...my uterus is believed to be shaped like a heart. Some doctors refer to it as a heart, most refer to it as having two horns. When it is shaped this way, a wall has been created in the middle and depending on what side the egg implants on, that is all the room the baby gets to grow. So I finally get an answer as to why my water broke and Kenley came early. She just didn't have anymore room to grow. She only had one side of my uterus and as soon as that got as big as it could, she decided to make her exit.

I had my yearly with Dr. Pierson in August and she told me that she wanted to further investigate my issue to make sure that's really what it was and if there was anything they could do to help the issue for baby #2...that's a whole other story!!!

So I went and had an ultrasound of my kidneys and bladder done. Apparently when you are a baby and your uterus is forming, that along with your kidneys and bladder all form at the same time. So if something was wrong with my uterus, chances were there was something wrong with my kidneys as well. I read stories on the internet about women having bicornuate uteruses and when they checked their kidneys, they discovered they had only one! Well luckily both of my kidneys are there and everything looked fine with that. That same day I also had an internal ultrasound done to get a better picture of my uterus and ovaries. Well that didn't give my doctor the images she was looking for and also presented a possible different issue I had other that a bicornuate uterus. First there was a mass on my left ovary and she wanted to do a biopsy of my uterus just to make sure there wasn't anything funky going on in there. Secondly, she believed I could have a bicornuate uterus but also I could have something called a uterine septum, which is where a bunch of tissue has formed in the middle of the uterus and has created a wall. Making it seem like a bicornuate uterus but it might not be.

So I had the biopsy done, by the way which was no fun, and thankfully everything came back normal. Next step, MRI to get an even better image of what is going on in my body.

So here we are. And all of this isn't being done just to figure things out for baby #2 but its nice to know what is going on inside of you in case you ever need a certain surgery. It is just nice to have all this stuff in my records. As of today there will never be a baby #2. Jim was and is traumatized by Kenley being born so early and he is adament about not having anymore. Myself, I go back and forth about the situation. Some days I want another one because I don't want Kenley to be an only child and other days I think back to the road we have been down and I can not imagine myself doing it again. Plus the days K is hard to take care of or the nights she doesn't sleep that well I think, I don't want to do this again! I love my sleep too much! :). Time will tell. But hopefully after tomorrow I will know exactly what is up with my uterus and where we go from there.

Developmental Clinic

I decided to take a quick break from writing about Kenley's NICU experience and touch on the developmental clinic which is happening tomorrow. With my next post I will get back into our story.

So when Kenley got discharged from the hospital, among other appointments, one for the developmental clinic was made. All babies born before (either 32 or 33 weeks...I can't remember which) are scheduled to come back and get assessed developmentally. Babies born that early are more likely to have development issues so they want to check her and see how she is doing. I am guessing that if they feel she needs to work with a therapist on a specific area, they will see that and make sure she gets all the extra help she needs.

When I knew she was going to come early the first thing I thought about and became concerned about was how being born early would affect her developmentally. Its tough enough to be a kid these days without having extra issues. The last thing I want is for her to have any kind of problems or issues. And I'm sure I'm not the only parent that thinks this...whether they have a preemie or not.

Personally, I think she is doing great. Yes I know she is 7 months old but developmentally she is only 5 months (almost...she'll be 5 months on the 17th)

What it boils down to is my worry and fears about her not developing properly. I mean technically it is my fault that she came so early so if she were to have problems, its hard not to feel guilty about it. I know I shouldn't feel bad but I can't help it. I hold the guilt that she was born at 29 weeks, that she was in the hospital for 2 months, that she was poked and proded for so long, that she was only 2 lb 7 oz and 14 inches long. I think I will hold that guilt with me til the day I die. But at the same time I have to recognize and appreciate where she's at now. I can't dwell on how I feel. What I need to dwell on is that even though I feel guilty, the reality is is that she survived. She is healthy, she is growing and thriving every day and what is in the past is in the past. I know she was born early for a reason. I know Jim and I have gone through the experiences we have gone through with her for a reason. I know some of those reasons today, not all of them though and I probably won't know all of them this side of heaven.

It doesn't matter if we see the doctor tomorrow and he tells us she'll need to see every therapist alive til the day she dies. What does matter is that she is a happy healthy little girl and Jim and I are having a blast being parents to her (most of the time, we do get stressed every now and then...what mommy or daddy doesn't sometimes). We have been given this beautiful gift and we never know what tomorrow will bring so live each day to the fullest...I know this all too well obviously. Nothing can change the love we have in our hearts for this girl...nothing.

58 days in the NICU...Part 1

I forgot to mention a couple things in some of my older posts.  I had wanted to mention that from my spinal, I not only endured the pain of being stuck with a needle numerous times but I also developed a huge bruise, right on my spine, in the spot that I got pricked.  The first few showers I took I needed Jim to help dry me off because I couldn't bend over to do my legs or my back.  The first time he was drying me off he pushed on my back and I go, "hey, that hurts," when he pushed on my spine.  So I go and look in the mirror and see a huge dark bruise on my spine.  At first I thought all c-section women got a bruise, but after talking to some friends that have had c-sections, I realized I was a special case.  Lovely....

Then I forgot to mention, I don't know how, but Kenley swelled up like a stuffed sausage after she was pulled out.  Her lips got all swollen, her eyes were big and puffy and she had bruises all over her body.  She had a huge hand mark on her torso where Dr. Pierson had grabbed her and tried to pull her out.  I have a pic of her right after she was born where she is all red and swollen...I will post it soon.  It's hard for me to look at now.

Jim thankfully took that entire week off of work...not that he had much choice.  Well actually he did because if you can believe it, the day after Kenley was born, his boss called him and was asking when he was going to be returning.  I remember him saying something to the effect to Jim that he returned to work the next day after his children were born...well that may have been the case but I do not think his children were born 11 weeks early and they did not weigh 2 lbs.  So while I was in the hospital trying to recoup, I had the added stress of wondering if Jim was going to lose his job because he had taken off so many days and his boss was not happy about him taking off more.  Here I am stressed as it is giving birth to a preemie, having the added trauma to my body that I am trying to heal from, and I'm sitting in bed crying because Jim is being asked when he is going to return to work.  The head nurse came in that day to just check on me and I remember boohooing to her about the situation and I felt bad because she just came to see how I was.  She didn't intend to sit there and have me vent to her about my husbands work situation.  So Jim had that week off and would be returning to work that following monday.

So we got up Friday morning and got ready to head to the hospital.  This would be day 4 of her being in the hospital.  I remember being told that babies born that early would be expected to stay anywhere between 8 and 10 weeks.  At that time, I knew that was a long time to be in the hospital but I was so focused on my day to day routine with visting Kenley it didn't really phase me.  I got to do Kangaroo care with her when she was 2 days old.  She had been taken off the c-pap and that was my first chance to hold her.  Jim got to do Kangaroo with her also but he waited a few days and let me have the time to snuggle with her at first.  I think the first time he did it was that Friday.  At this point she was stable.  She had her nasal canula and of course her IV and she had to do a couple stints under the light for jaundice but other than that she was in great shape.  Her nurse practitioner had told us, I think it was that wednesday, that there was a possiblity they would have to do something called a picc line.  Which was just a permanent IV.  They were having a hard time finding veins, I wonder why, and she would probably be needing IV fluids for awhile so a picc line wasn't a bad idea.  She told us that it went in under her armpit and connected to a major vein that was in her chest and she would get her fluids that way.  It was a good thing because it was permanent until it needed to come out.  Meaning she didn't keep having to get pricked every couple days with a needle and every time she was pricked, there was always a chance of an infection happening.  The only bad thing was if they couldn't get the vein, then she would have to go into surgery and get the IV that way.  But she told us that if they did the picc line we would get plenty of notice, they would either call us or talk to us because we had to sign something for her to get it done.

That Friday was uneventful, as was that Saturday.  We did our usual routine of calling in the morning, going to visit til lunch time.  Coming back in the afternoon and spending the rest of the day with her.  Going home to take care of the dogs and calling at night to check on her before we went to bed.  We got up that Sunday morning, called to see how she was.  She was great, nothing new to report so we got showered and dressed and headed to the hospital.  As soon as we turned into her room I knew somthing was wrong.  All the lights were on... that is very rare because they try to keep the rooms not dark, but with only a little light to give the babies as much rest as possible.  I look over and the top of her isolet is raised up and she is sprawled out on her back with her left arm taped down to the bed.  All the comfy things that are usually in with her are gone and I see scrubs stuffed into her trashcan at the end of her bed.  Right then the nurse practitioner comes walking in and says "Mom and dad, an update"  And I'm thinking, what in the world.  We just checked on her a couple hours ago and she was fine.  She told us that when Kenley's nurse looked at her IV, which was in her foot, her foot was all swollen so she needed to change it.  Well in trying to find a new vein that wasn't bruised or had been used already, she couldn't find one.  Thats when she called in the practitioner and she acted right then and there.  She told us that she saw a vein in her arm to do the picc line and if she didn't do it then and there, she wouldn't have another chance to do it.  So they did the picc line and didn't have time to call us.  So needless to say we walked in and got the surprise of our lives.  So they then ask me to sign the form that needed my signature, of course if they had called I would have said yes to it anyhow.  Luckily the np had been able to get the vein and it worked because like I said, if they had tried and couldn't do it she would have had to go into surgery to have it done.  That day very fast became a crappy day for us.  She had been doing great up until then.  She hadn't been having any problems, she was going to start on milk soon, and then bam...this happens.  As we were told so many times, never trust a preemie.  They can do great one day and the next day do a complete 180 on you and have a horrible day.  Her nurse that day had to leave so Maria, one of our most favorite nurses (and we had a lot of favs) took over for her that day.  Maria was so gentle and so sweet.  She got her isolet all fixed back up and got her nice and comfy.  I remember some other nurses coming into her room and needing to rewrap Kenley's picc line and Maria telling them to come back  later.  Kenley had had enough stress for right now, she needed some time to rest before they started  messing with her again.  Maria was Kenley's nurse a lot right at that beginning and sadly she didn't get the chance to be her nurse again after that.  But we saw her around the NICU and we know she came back to check on her on days that she worked.  Maria had told us she felt so bad for us that day and what we had to go through and what had to be done to Kenley, that on the next day she worked, which was that Monday, she wasn't assigned Kenley but she came back in to check on her to make sure she was doing alright.  I tell you what, Jim and I met some great people while she was there.  Sweet, caring, loving individuals that seemed to love Kenley just as much as we did.  I will be forever grateful for those wonderful women, and yes man, that took such great care of her.  I don't think she would be here today if it wasn't for them.   Yes the doctors and the nps took care of her and diagnosed her and what not but it was the nurses that spent the most time with her and really got to know her.  They are truly angels in disguise.  I will do a post just on them later on.
 
The picc line happened on Day 6, it was March 7th.  6 days down, only 52 more days to go!

In the beginning

I should be sleeping right now because Kenley has this horrible habit of waking up anywhere between now and about 1 to be soothed but since I haven't written in awhile I feel compelled to do this.  So I will write and if she wakes up then oh well...I will just be a little bit more tired tomorrow.

Kenley Schuyler was born weighing 2 lbs. 7oz. and she was 14 inches long.  Jim told me that they re-weighed her a few times when they got her down to her room because they had a hard time accepting she weighed that much.  When we had our ultrasound at the hospital on that previous Thursday, they had told us she was exactly 2 lbs.  So the fact that she had gained 7 ozs. in just 4 days was nuts!  But thats what she weighed.  They had told me that I could leave on Thursday if I wanted to but if I wanted to stay until Friday I could also.  All due to my rough delivery.

When Dr. Pierson went in to get Kenley, she got her feet and torso out but not quick enough.  My uterus clamped around Kenley's head and that is where the tugging and pulling came from.  She had tried to get Kenley out without having to make anymore cuts into me but it just didn't work.  She had to make a T like incision into my uterus to get Kenley's head out so therefore I would have a longer recovery time then most c-section women.  I imagine that is why to this day I am still sore in my abdomen.  Of course not as nearly as sore as I have been but I am still sensative down there.  When Kenley lies on her back and pushes with her feet right onto my incision...I bite my lip.  I imagine at some point I will no longer hurt in that region but I'm sure it will just take some time.  Its amazing that I too can still feel my uterus contracting.  Sometimes when I feel it, I have to stop a second and think because it almost feels like baby kicks.  But of course, its not that...thank goodness for now.  Maybe some other day ( and thats a whole other topic within itself...that I will address also) but not anytime soon!

So I was told I would have a longer recovery time, bleed anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks and also Dr. Pierson had used staples in me, not stitches, becasue she thought they healed better.  I didn't realize this at the time but of course every doctor is different and they have their ways of doing things.  She had put 14 staples into me.  As crazy as it was to see those things in me, they didn't hurt a bit when she took them out.  I had an appointment that Friday...4 days after the c-section...to have them removed.  I was kind of worried that when she took them out my stomach would spill open and my intestines would come rolling out.  But she told me that the skin actually heals itself and reconnects within 24 hours.  So of course that didn't happen.  Also, because all the nerves had been cut, I was almost numb around the incision site.  She also informed me that that would go away, one day.

I feel like I could go on to document my day to day recovery in the hospital after Kenley was born but I feel its just better to jump right in to her time in the NICU.  So I'll pick back up the day of my discharge...Thursday, March 4th.  They had told me to take my time, don't rush out, as long as I was gone by midnight there was no problem.  So Jim and I took our time getting the room together, going down to visit Kenley, I even ordered dinner for that evening  from room service.  We got all packed up, Jim loaded the car and it was time to leave.  I got my nurse to sign my discharge papers and mom and dad told me they would meet us there to see us one more time and say goodnight to Kenely.  We went into the NICU and saw Kenley.  Spoke to her.  Told her we loved her.  We would be back to see her the next day.  And that is when the tears came.  I cried leaving her room...walking down the hall...my mom gave me a hug and I started to sob.  I cried as we left the hospital and as I waited for Jim to bring the car around and pick me up and I cried non-stop the whole way home.  My heart was broken in two.   Here I just gave birth to a 2 pound baby and I was expected to go home.  I wasn't just a minute away if something happened.  I was now 20 minutes away, I was sick at the idea of leaving her.  I am for sure, in everything that I am to endure from here on out (I could be proven wrong with this but til the day that I am) that was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  I was numb.  The only thing I could feel at that point were the tears running down my checks and the heartache I had at leaving my baby.  Not to be mean but I am sure other mommys can sympathize but unless you have been in those exact shoes...you have NO IDEA what it is like.  I had family that were sad for me, I had friends that were sad for me but I did not have anyone in my life that had had a baby as early as I did and had to leave it knowing that there was a chance she might not make it through the night (anything could have happened) and knowing she would have to be in the hospital for not weeks, but months.  (Now my dear friend Erin had a preemie...I mentioned her earlier...and I know she can relate...but her darling baby was not as early as Kenley. <But by no means to diminish her time in the hospital and all that Reilly went through>  And since then I have had a dear family friend have 30 week twins and I know she can relate...God Bless her b/c her journey has been WAY harder then mine)   Other than Jim knowing my pain, I felt alone.  But the ironic thing was, I was far from alone.  I had my parents, my sister, friends...so many people that loved me and this baby but they didn't know how I felt and what I was going through on the inside.  I almost became a different person those 57 days she was in the NICU.  I was no longer just Megan...I was Megan, mommy to a 29 weeker and my soul purpose was to wake up in the morning for that baby, spend as much time as I could with her during the day and let her know as much as I could that I loved her and I was going to go through this ordeal with her until the day she came home with me.

We ended up stopping to grab a couple slices of pizza on the way home, of course because there was no food in the house, and I remember thinking, "I'm not even hungry."  But I knew I needed to eat and Jim certainly was not going to let me go without eating that night.  I sat in the car...and cried...as I waited for him to go inside and get the food.  I then waited, and cried some more, as we stopped at Harris Teeter so he could go in and grab some drinks.  When we got home, I waited outside while he leashed up the dogs and took them outside.  I went inside and gated myself in our bedroom because I knew as soon as they saw me they would get excited and want to come love on me.  I hadn't seen them in over a week.  I couldn't let them near me for a couple days because I was so sore and I was worried I would get a paw in the abdomen.  I sit in the room for a bit and start to get my pjs on so I can eat dinner in bed and then go to sleep.  I remember it like it happened yesterday.  I went into the bathroom, used the bathroom and all of a sudden had the chills hit me.  Like when you get sick and you get the chills all over your body.  I was suddenly cold.  I stood up in the bathroom and remember not being able to even walk because I was shaking so badly.  I told Jim I couldn't do it...meaning I couldn't walk into the bedroom...I think he thought I was referencing this whole ordeal and he tells me yes you can.  And I then tell him, no I need your help...I can't walk into the bedroom.  So he helps me into bed and I am still shivering and crying again at this point and I think I might have been having a small panic attack.  I had a hard time getting my breath and my heart was racing.  He sat down beside me and helped me to get my breath and he helped calm me down.  I must have laid in bed for about 10/15 minutes before I started to feel better.  While that was happening I remember having a split second thought that I needed to go to the hospital...Jim was going to have to call an ambulance.  After I calmed down, I had a ton of blankets on me because I had been shaking, I suddenly became warm.  Then I thought I was coming down with something.  I had not had any food in me for awhile so Jim grabs a slice a pizza and sits with me while I eat it and that helps.  I remember feeling so sad and helpless at that point.  I forced the pizza down because it seemed to help and all I wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole and not come out until she was home with us.  The Lord does not give us more than we can handle...This I am sure of still to this day.

They had given us a number to the NICU and a code so we could call any time, day or night, and give them our code and we could check on Kenley.  So we called that night to see how she was.  That began a twice daily occurance in our house hold for 2 months.  A call in the morning and a call at night before bed.

It is almost midnight and I honestly could write for another hour or so but I should go to bed now.  I'll start with Day 4 of Kenley's time in the NICU with the next post.

Chapter 3...The arrival of Kenley

So here we are...March 1st, 2010...29 weeks along...11 weeks until Kenley's actual due date which was May 17th and I am being wheeled into the operating room to have a c-section because Kenley is ready to join us.  She might have been ready but I sure wasn't.  I remember looking at the clock on the wall when they had me roll onto the table...it was either 5 or 10 minutes after 3...right at that moment I asked God to give me strength and to please be with me.  I got a clear response from him which I heard.  I know no one else in the room heard it but I heard him say clearly to me "I am with you daughter."  I knew I wasn't alone.  I knew He had been with me every step of the way and I knew for sure now that He was not going to leave me when I needed Him the most.

Remember I had to pee!?!!! I thought for sure it was coming on out!  They had me sit up on the edge of the table, dangle my legs over the side and one of the OR nurses stood in front of me and held my shoulders and had me relax over into her chest.  Here comes the spinal.  My heart is racing because I know I have a funky spine and I kept thinking over and over again, please get the nerves because I don't want to have to be put to sleep.  At that point Cami was with me and was getting my back ready.  She was telling me what she was doing step by step.   I had been lying down since 1 o'clock so to now sit up three hours later, it felt really weird.  I could definitely feel that Kenley had moved down.  It actually felt like if I wanted to I could have done a big push and she would have come flying out, thats how low I felt her.  And I'm still holding my pee in!!! Geesh I had to go bad!!!!

She says, "Ok, a little prick" and it did feel like a little prick.  It hurt, but not anything I couldn't withstand.  Well I had to withstand it at this point I didn't have a choice.  Right when she did the prick I felt a weird sensation run down the right side of my back and stop right when it got to my butt.  At this point Cami has stopped talking to me and I feel the prick again and the same thing, tingling sensation down the right side to my butt.  I remember sitting there and I kept moving my feet to see if they were numb yet.  Then again, prick and sensation.  Finally Cami asks me if I feel anything and I tell her I feel something but it stops right when it gets to my right butt cheek.  Here we go again...prick and sensation.  So then I hear her say  "Call Dr. the other anesthesiologist (I can't remember his name) and tell him we need him."  So basically she can't get my nerves and she needs the other anesthesiologist to come try.  I think I'm doomed at this point.  I think, well if she can't do it then I'm screwed.  They are for sure putting me to sleep.  So we sat there and waited for him to come in.  Probably only took a few mintues for him to get there but it sure felt longer then that.  So he goes to my back and says to me "Well you told me I would be able to see your scoliosis and I can."  When he had come to talk to me when I was still in my room and I had told him I was worried about my back I had said "You'll be able to see it."  Because I have such a pronounced (as I like to call it) hump on the left side of my back.  He said "Ok, little bee sting, and...go ahead and swing your legs on up here and lay down."  I remember almost asking, "don't you want to make sure it worked first because the last few times it didn't"  But I followed directions and swung my legs up and right at that point I started to feel tingling down my waist into my legs.  Now I'm not one to just lay there and be quiet.  If something feels weird or I have a question, I'm going to ask to find out what is going on.  So right then I say that I feel a tingling in my legs, is that normal.  And he tells me yep, thats what you're supposed to feel.  Also as I swung my legs up to lie down I remember seeing my doctor standing to the side with her arms crossed and I remember thinking she was probably pissed because it took so long to get me numb.  Oh well.  So right then I also feel my HUGE desire to pee disappear!!! Thank goodness.  Either I went numb and could just no longer feel that I needed to pee or they had already stuck the cathater in me and I really didn't have to go anymore!

So I lie down and they right away put the blue screen up in front of my face and I feel them prop my left side up with something that feels like a wedge almost.  Again, I have to ask.  They tell me its to keep my weight off of my left side because of the giant vein that runs down your back...when you're pregnant you're not supposed to lay on your back past a certain week because it can hinder your blood flow to the baby.  So they were propping one side up almost so that I wasn't lying completly flat on my back.  Also right after I laid down my anesthesiologist took a cotton swab and rubs it on my chest to ask what it feels like.  He then rubs it on my arm so I can feel the difference.  I guess that was to check to make sure I wasn't numb any further up then my chest.  So he then sits down beside me and we start having a conversation.  He starts talking about his wife just recently having a baby and I asked if he was her Dr. and he explained no because if something were to happen he didn't want to be responsible for it.  They have my arms stretched out to the sides and he then puts the nasal canula to my nose,  the plastic thing that delivers oxygen with the two prongs that go up your nose, and tells me the oxygen is for the baby not for me.  He keeps standing up looking over the screen to see where they are with the c-section.  He then tells me I passed the blue crab test.  He had said there was a blue crab kept to the side and when they were ready they brought him out to pinch me to make sure I was numb.  Then I hear Dr. Pierson say "Incision".  So they were cutting into me already.  He then says "Your husband better hurry up and get in here, he's going to miss everything."  Right then his phone rings and he stands up and walks off and Jim sits down in his place.  I didn't realize it at the time but it was probably around 3:35  3:40 at this point.  What was supposed to be a 10 minute spinal turned into a 20/25 minute spinal.  Cami also at that point stuck a little cotton ball under my nasal canula and tells me its a little rubbing alcohol to help with nausea.  Its good that she did that because right then I started to feel sick.

So I'm laying there just staring at the ceiling and I can feel Jim sitting there just staring at me.  We dont talk, we don't do anything but lay there, well I laid there, he sat there.  Then out of nowhere my body starts rocking back and forth on the table.  Like I am being moved from side to side.  Jerked is more like it.  I feel a heavy pressure on my chest.  Almost as if they are up under my ribs doing stuff, and then I hear (I can't remember if Dr. Pierson said that she was out...I want to say she did because I was anticipating hearing her cry) Kenley's weak little cry.  Instantly the tears started coming.  I think I read somewhere that when preemies are born, you don't always hear their cry.  Either they are too small for you to hear it or right away oxygen is put over their face and you can't hear it.  So to know she was so tiny and so early, to hear her cry I knew I had a fighter on my hands.  I laid there for a bit more and the NICU doctor and nurses wheeled her up beside me so I could see her.  She was in her isolet (they used to call them incubators) and I remember it being so surreal seeing her.  They stopped only for a split second to let me see her because they told me they wanted to get her to the NICU.  They leave and then Jim asks me if I want him to go with her or stay with me.  Of course I tell him to go with her and if I knew then what I know now, I would have had him stay with me.  So he leaves with her and Cami tells me, about 5 minutes or so after that, that they are still working on closing me up its going to be another 15 minutes or so...I'm thinking...15 minutes!!!????  What in the world is going to take them so long?  She asks me since I'm going to by lying there for awhile longer did I want something in my IV that relaxes me?  Heck yeah! Well thats what I was thinking but I told her yes.  So instantly I start to feel really good!!! Nice and relaxed and I remembering feeling like I was dozing off and all of a sudden Cami says, "Megan, I need you to take three deep breaths for me."  So I started to breath nice and deep and kept doing it for awhile longer. I guess they don't want you falling asleep. oopps :) 
Then Dr. Pierson pushes down the screen and looks over at me and says "has anyone ever told you you have a bicornuate uterus?"  "No" I tell her. And after that I never thought of her saying that to me again until she comes to check on me that next morning. So they finish putting me back together...move me back over to my bed and wheel me to recovery.   Jim meets me in there and asks me if I want him to go get my mom and I say yes.

So I'm really drugged up at this point and I remember stuff but its kind of blurry.  So hang with me.

I remember laying in bed and feeling drugged but at the same time feeling really awake.  It was just us, and a nurse, in recovery and the nurse spent most of her time at the computer by my bed typing stuff in.  I'm sure I asked about Kenley but I honestly don't remember what I said.  The nurse came over and asked me to wiggle my toes.  Or at least try to.  So I do it and it feels like I'm doing nothing and she says "They moved.  It might not feel like they did but they did a little bit.  That's good."  I remember mom walking away from the bed to call Stephanie to let her know Kenley was here and everything was good at this point.  Now obviously I have a high tolerance for pain.  I dilated to 10 cm and had no clue, I was pricked in the spine numerous times for a spinal and never complained about anything.  Well what the nurse was about to do to me was the worse pain I have ever felt and know I will ever feel...hopefully.  She says to me "Now I will be the only one to do this this hard."  and proceeds to push down on my abdomen with both hands with all of her strength.  I'm still numb from the waist down but after having your stomach and uterus cut open and your baby pulled from it, having someone push on your abdomen hurts!  If I could have moved I think I would have jumped off the table.  She apologizes but I have never felt a worse pain in my life.  I'm figuring they want to make sure everything feels ok in there and I'm sure to make sure the blood that was coming out was coming out like its supposed to.  Apparently they want you to bleed.  If you don't then thats a sign of a clot which is not good. I believe I had to stay in recovery for 30 minutes and by the time I got out of there it was around 5.  They wheeled me back to my room in Antepartum and my dad came in the room.  My nurse was getting things situated and all of a sudden I knew that stuff I drank before the c-section was coming back up.  He tells me that Sue and B and Roger and Betty are all coming in to see me and I look at him and say "I'm going to be sick."  The nurse hands him a little pink tub and all that nasty stuff I drank a few hours ago comes back up.  I feel bad for my dad.  Here he is holding this tub for me to puke in...I know he hadn't helped me while I was throwing up since I was a little girl.  He then says he's going to tell everyone not to come in cause I wasn't feeling well.  I felt bad for them not being able to come in.  They had all been there during my surgery and had waited to see me then here I go messing things up by getting sick.  I knew they understood though.

So Jim and mom come back in my room and he takes mom and dad down to the NICU to see Kenley and right then my sister and her husband come walking in.  They sit down and we talk and after awhile Jim comes back in and is ready to take manda and ryan down to see her.  By now mom and dad have my two nieces and are keeping them occupied so manda and ryan can visit with her.  My nurse for that night also brought in my pumping equipment and told me that not right now but in the morning I would need to start pumping.  Oh what fun that process turned out to be!  I'm still really numb.  I try moving my legs more and more to get the feeling back but its a slow process.  They get me started on my pain meds and tell me that later on that night if I feel up to it I can go down and visit Kenley.

So everyone leaves for the night and Jim and I head down to the NICU.  Me in a wheelchair of course and I remember feeling every bump on the way down.  After you enter the NICU you have to do a little scrub down procedure.  They want you to wash your hands up to your elbows for three minutes to make sure your hands are nice and clean.  So he wheels me up to the sink so I can do that.  We go into the NICU and into her room.  Now I am pretty well drugged so it was really hard for me to cope while I was in the hospital.  I don't want to say I was removed from the situation but with the amount of drugs I was on, it almost felt that way.  I felt like she was in good hands and if I needed to know anything, the nurses and doctors knew where to find me.  Unless you've been in that situation yourself its really hard to explain.  I don't want to come off as being a cold hearted person but the feelings I had were very weird.  Here I was just having my daughter but someone else was taking care of her.  They didn't really need me for anything did they.  Again...really hard to explain how I felt.  This NICU was GREAT.  Every baby had their own room and I couldn't imagine her having been in any other place.  We went into the room and they lowered the isolet so I could see her.  I remember thinking how small she was but I don't think I actually shed tears over the situation until that next morning.  The had the CPAP on her face.  Luckily she never had to be venilated.  Her lungs were strong enough but she did need the CPAP for a couple days and she was on oxygen (nasal canula) for 13 days.

So here we were.  She had arrived early...we had no idea why but we were about to find out.  The next chapter will be about finding out why she came early and explaining why to this day, 6 months later, I am still sore from my c-section. (it has something to do with being jerked around on the table during the c-section)  And also it will be her journey...57 days worth...of being in the NICU  I still have a lot more to share!

Chapter 2...Part 2...A week in the hospital

So to back up for a minute, I was admitted into the hospital on Tuesday, Feburary 23rd...and moved to Antepartum on Wednesday, Feburary 24th and Baby Girl was not due until May 17th.   I planned on being in the hospital for a loooonnnngggg time.

So after I was moved to Antepartum that Wednesday night I was told it was just a waiting game.  They wanted to keep me pregnant as long as possible and to them that meant until I was at least 34 or 35 weeks.  At first the thought of being in the hospital for 6 weeks disturbed me greatly.  What in the world was I going to do for all that time?  I knew eventually Jim would have to go back to work but what about me?  I couldn't work out anymore, go to work, run errands, I just had to sit there.  Thank goodness I'm a tv girl and love to read because I figured that was what my life was going to consist of for quite awhile.  I finally came to terms with the situation and came to accept that being in the hospital for that long was a good thing and it was good for my baby so if I needed to be there that long then so be it.  I also have AMAZING parents and friends because for that week they were there as much as possible to keep me company.  Every day my dad would come keep me company and give Jim a break to go home and do stuff.  If I remember correctly my dad decided to not return to work that week, he would get up in the morning, get himself ready and head over to the hospital.  At the beginning of Feburary my mom had gone back to work full time taking over a class for a lady that was in the hospital sick.  So everyday after she got off work she would come see me.  My second mom Sue, her husband Barry would also come over in the afternoon to keep me company and bring me books and snacks.  His daughter Breni came at one point bringing me a load of gossip magazines to keep me company.  My sister and my two nieces came that weekend bringing me books, magazines, coloring books (from mallory) and Amanda spent pretty much all of Saturday and Sunday morning with me in my room.  My childhood friend Erin, who also had had a preemie, came up to visit that Saturday and brought me ALL of Reilly's preemie clothes, newborn clothes, 0-3 months clothes, 3-6 months clothes, her carseat and extra base, her basinette,  I could go on forever.  She pretty much brought me everything that Reilly did not use anymore.  I was so bleseed by this because up until that point I had not even gotten to have a baby shower.  So Jim and I had nothing for Kenley.  We had her baby furniture and of course some clothes and blankets that had already been given to us but nothing else.  As soon as I realized I wouldn't be leaving the hosptial until after Kenley came I kind of had a panic moment when I realized we didn't even have a carseat to bring her home yet.  But I then reminded myself that she would be in the hospital for a bit after being born so I would have time to get what I needed. 
 Like I just mentioned, I have the world's best family and friends and support system.  Shortly after moving to Antepartem, Sue and B bought Kenley her mattress and her bedding!  After Kenley was born Jim and I came home one day to a huge package outside our door and his Aunt Laura had bought and sent us our travel system which was her carseat and stroller we had picked out.  We are and so truly blessed and thankful and grateful for everything everyone did for us during that time. We are so lucky to say the least.  The week I was sent to the hospital a co-worker of Jim's had been planning a little surprise baby shower for him at work and I was in talks with her about getting up there to surprise him at it.  Well of course that shower had to be canceled but her and another one of Jim's co-workers collected money at work and with that money went to Babies R Us and bought us stuff off our registery.  They came up to my room that Friday evening and gave us our gifts and visited with us.  Blessed...And the flowers I received were amazing! I got flowers from friends, my first set of flowers being from my best friend Jenny and her husband, daughter and mom in SC.  I got flowers from my boss, my friend Kim in Wilmington, my family in Ohio, Jims family in Californa...we had so many people that were thinking of us and loved us.  I also can't even count how many messages over facebook I got from people letting us know that they were praying for us and thinking about us.  I was nervous about Kenley coming early but I had such a feeling of peace about the whole situation, one that could only have come from our Lord.  I knew He was in control and I had all my trust in Him and I knew what was meant to be would be.

So back to being in Antepartum.  I was no longer on an IV and they even took the needle out of my arm that Thursday.  For a couple days they gave me penicillin pills but that stopped as well.  Oh...and because I had such a hard time sleeping they would give me Ambien everynight.  Best stuff in the world!!! Talk about sleeping well!!! They informed me it was a drug that didn't cross the placenta so that is why I could take it everynight.  Jim started going home on Thursday night to sleep in our bed because I knew he was uncomfortable and he needed to be there to take care of the dogs.   Each night I would have a nurse...I would have a nurse during the day and then one at night...and that nurse had a nurses assistant and I lucked out and had the same assistant from Thursday night all the way to Sunday night.  The assistant was Jeri and she was GREAT!!! By the time Sunday came around she was telling Jim and I she liked being in our room hanging out because we were the fun room!  We would have talks about her kids and the dog they just adopted and that night she informed me she wouldn't be back to work until that Thursday night and she fully expected to still see me in my room when she got back!  I remember when I went into labor saying that Jeri was going to be pissed at me because I would be gone when she got back!
It was an uneventful stay but at the same time it wasn't.  I noticed that the day nurses were way more relaxed and chill then the night nurses.  A couple days I would see my day nurse maybe twice whereas I would always see my night nurses at least 4 or 5 times a night.  For some reason my blood pressure would sky rocket in the morning and and at night.  Also for whatever reason my temp would go up to 99.4 everynight! I have no clue why.  Well one day, the day nurse that had been taking my blood pressure...it was running high...had not informed my doctor on duty of it being high.  So when my doctor found out she flipped out on the nurse.  We didn't see her do it but I was informed by my night nurse that my doctor was not happy.  That doctor that evening, Dr. Jones who I had seen once since I was pregnant, came in my room that night and wanted to do an ultraound right there to check the baby.  Now that I think back I should have been more worried because that was not a normal thing to have happen, but I wasn't.  She did the ultrasound and it wasn't a fun, lets look at the baby ultrasound.  She was looking at the baby to make sure everything was ok with her so I didn't really get to see the screen. She did the ultrasound for about 20 minutes.  She then told us that in a matter of 30 minutes they expect to see the baby do at least 3 things.  Whether that was raising their hand, opening or closing their mouths, or just plain moving, and my baby had done her three things in 9 minutes time so she was satisfied with that.  I guess because of my high blood pressure there was a chance that Kenley could have been in distress and she was extremly ticked that she hadn't been made aware of the situation.  Needless to say I didn't have that nurse again while I was there.  Then that Firday night, because of my temperature (I think) they wanted to make sure I wasn't getting pregancy induced hypertension (again, I think...some of the medical terms run together and are hazy from 6 months ago)   So I had to write down my liquid intake,  catch my urine in a little hat that sat in the toliet, write down how much there was and then pour it in a bucket on ice in my bathroom.  I had to do that for 24 hrs so they could take my urine and test it.  Well it came back negative but then they still wanted me to track my intake and outake of liquids and they informed me I would be doing that unti the baby came.  Oh fabulous!! I remember Jeri explaning everything to me that Friday night and Jim had gone up front to meet our friend Andy and bring him back to the room and by the time Jim got back I was in tears.  I was so stressed from being monitored and having to do things and having to be in the hospital.  I felt bad for Andy because he walked into the room and here I was breaking down and he didn't know what to do or say.  Also that Thursday they took me down the hall and did a super hytech ultrasound to check the fluids in me and the blood flow.  Everything with that was fine.  My numbers were low but they were still in the normal range.  And they told me they would do one of those ultrasounds a week to check everything.

So that Saturday night, its almost time for Jim to head home, and I start to bleed.  Not bright red blood.  More like a light pink but they had always told me to let them know if I started to bleed.  So I got freaked out, Jim got freaked out and we told my nurse.  She looked at the blood and didn't seem concerned because it was so light but she put me on the monitor anyways.  Everything was fine with the baby.  And by that Sunday morning it had stopped.

Sunday night is here and Jim is getting ready to go back to work that next day.  My friend Stephanie from Raleigh had told me she wanted to drive down to be with me that day because that was the first day I wouldn't have anyone keeping me company.  She would be down around 11am, we would hang out, watch a movie, order pizza and she would have to leave by 1:45 to get back home.  She was driving 2 hours to be with me!!!!  I was so excited to see her because I hadn't seen her or really talked to her since January.  So Jim leaves that night to go home and I of course cry because I know I won't get to see him until late Monday.  Jeri told me, after he left, that he had stopped at the nurse's desk on the way out and reminded them that his number was on the board in my room.  Please call him if anything new happened.  Jeri was like "Bless his heart.  He is so concerned for you."   She did her best to reassure him that if anything happened she would call him and also, with him going back to work, if anything did happen and he needed to get to the hospital, he would have time.  His worst fear was returning to work, an hours drive away, and getting a call in the middle of the day that the baby was coming.  She told him not to worry, if they baby did decide to come, it would take awhile to get the baby here.  He would have time to get to the hospital from work.  I was pretty convinced Kenley would be taking her time getting here and so I was not worried at all about her arriving anytime soon.   Boy was I wrong!!!

Monday morning I wake up...Steph is almost to the hospital and I jump in the shower real quick.  Its about 11 am at this point and she comes in gets settled and we gossip and talk for 2 hours!  Finally we decide we need to order food because she is going to have to leave soon.  She calls the pizza place and pizza is delieved a little before 1.  While she goes to the desk to get the pizza I get up to use the bathroom and my heart drops when I (sorry to get gross) wipe.  There is bright RED blood on the toliet paper.  I kind of panic and I hear Steph come back in the room and I tell her, from in the bathroom, I need her to call my nurse.  She says ok, what number do I call.  I gather myself and realize that I can call, she doesn't need to.  I go into the room and tell Steph about the blood.  I call my nurse and she comes right in.  I show her the toliet paper and she she doesn't seem worried but she tells me to lay down she'll put the monitor on me to check the baby.  So I am laying there, and I almost eat some pizza because I'm hungry but at the same time a thought enters my mind, what if Kenley's on her way out, I don't think I'm supposed to have food on my stomach.  At this point we knew she was head up so no matter what she was going to be a C-Section baby.  The nurse leaves and I sit there with Steph a bit longer and I tell her I'm worried.  She aks me if I've seen my doctor for the day yet and I tell her no.  She goes "Do you want to see your doctor?" I tell her yes, it would make me feel better.  Now Stephanie is a get it done gal.  She doesn't play around.  She has no problem informing people if she needs something or asking questions so she goes out into the hall and tells my nurse to get my doctore I would like to see her.  At the time I didn't realize Steph being there that day would be significant but now I know it was.  God put her with me that day for a reason.  To get my doctor for me, to hold my hand while they did my IV, to hold my hand and reassure me while the doctor checked me, to be with me when my doctor tells me I'm 10 cm dilated, to call Jim for me because I am beside myself and to call my daddy for me to tell him to get to the hospital because I still can't talk.  Just writing this I get tears in my eyes going back to that day.  She was my angel that day and I will be forever grateful to her for being there for me.

So Dr. Pierson comes in, I had not seen her while I was pregnant but I had seen her in Aug. for my yearly, and it was lunch time and I remember feeling bad for pulling her away from her lunch because she was still chewing some of it when she entered my room.  (We joke about that now and she tells me she can't believe she came in my room chewing food, she didn't realize she had done that, but I tell her I think its funny.  I felt bad for taking her away from her lunch)  So she asks me whats going on, I tell her about the bleeding and she said, "Well I'll take a look but I'm sure everythings fine,  unless of course I see two little feet dangling in the birth canal."  I laugh at that satement and she looks at me and says "I've seen it before."  Oh, I thought she was kidding.  So she gets me ready and actually looks in me, doesn't say anything but then tells me she's going to see if I'm dilated at all.  She feels around and stands up and says to me "Well it looks like you're 10 cm dialted, how fast can your husband get here?" (and to find out later on, she did see one of Kenley's heels in the birth canal) I reply that he is an hour away and she gets a look on her face like, oh goodness, but I already have my phone in my hands ready to call.  I ask Steph to call him because by now I have tears streaming down my face and I knew I would never be able to talk once he answered the phone.  The rest I remember but at the same time is a blur.  Dr. Pierson proceeds to tell me that because the baby is in a breech position they well need to de a c-section.  She will try to keep my incision a horizontal line but if need be she might have to make a vertical cut up my middle.  They will try to stop the bleeding to the best of their control but if she can't stop the bleeding she will have to give me a hysterectomy.  I'm taking this all in and just nodding my head in agreement that I understand what she is saying.  Steph tells me Jim is on the way and I then ask if she'll call my dad for me.  I would have called mom but I knew she was in the middle of teaching and I didn't want to disturb her. Yeah right, I'm 10 cm dilated and I didn't want to disturb her.  So Steph calls my dad and hes on the way. By this time its 1:45 and I know she has to get back home so I tell her to leave.  She tells me she is not going anywhere until my dad gets there. I tell her I'll be fine, you need to get home just go ahead.  She tells me no and right at that moment one of her daughters call her.  I know both of her daughters from dance so she tells her she can't talk right now that she is with me and I'm getting ready to have the baby. I believe it was Alex, her daughter at ECU. She tells her she'll call her back and then tells me that Alex said she'll be praying for me.  Again, so many prayers.  By this time my room is like grand central station.  I think every nurse working in Antepartum that day is now in my room.  Even the head nurse is in there doing paper work and I'm laying in bed like a bump on a long.  So the IV process starts again.  Same as before.  They look at one arm, switch to the other arm, poke me in that arm and miss.  Go back to the original arm, miss again and then go back to my right arm and finally get a vein halfway up my arm. This my folks is only the beginning!!  They have me change into a gown and put a little plastic container of something on my chest and tell me I'll need to drink it before I go into surgery.  Then my mom and dad come walking in the room and I think they made it there in record time!  My mom thanks Stephanie for being there for me, as do I and I cry some more and she tells me everything is going to be fine please have my mom call her afterwards so she knows whats going on.  By now its a little after 2.  The time flies by for me.  People are in and out, I sign things, not sure what I sign but paper after paper are put in front of me.  Finally the anesthesiologist comes in to talk to me.  He was a cutie...Dr.  holy cow I can't remember his name.  I'll have to ask my mom.  Anyways...he tells me that the most pain I'll feel is like a bee sting, and they will test me before they slice into me to make sure I'm numb.  He was totally cool, calm and collected. I told him I had scoliosis and I was worried with my spine being curved.  He told me it probably wouldn't be a problem but if they couldn't get me numb then he would have to put me+ out completly.  He then had me open my mouth to see how big my airway was.  He also asked if I had any family memebers with issues about waking up during surgery.  Thank goodness no I told him.  Just then one of the NICU doctors, Dr. Logan popped his head into my room and told me he would be the doctor in the delivery room when Kenley was born and he would be taking care of her, so I got to meet him.  Dr. Pierson had also been back in to tell me that the room I was delivering in was being occupied by another c-section so we still had some time to wait.  By now it was about 2:30 and I called Jim to ask where he was.  He was close to the hosptial.  About another 5 minutes or so away.  By now I had to pee really really bad and I asked if I could get up real quick to go to the bathroom.  They told me that I would have a catheter in soon enough and I needed to wait.  I felt like I was going to pee on myself I had to go so bad.

So Jim comes in about 2:45...it took him 40 minutes to get to the hospital from work...normally it would take an hour so he flew to the hospital.  I don't remember the exact time we headed back but I know it wasn't much longer.  They brought scrubs in for Jim to put on and he ripped the crotch wide open as he was putting them on.  He has huge feet so he went to ask if the little booties were supposed to go all the way over his shoes because with his big feet they weren't.  We had some comedic moments as were getting ready.  The Lord was with us, He was helping us to stay calm.  Then they tell me to drink the stuff they gave me.  I pinch my nose with my fingers and pretend I'm doing a shot of jager and drink it.  It almost came right back up thats how nasty the stuff tasted.  Then the other anesthesiologist comes in and tells me her name is Cami and she would be assisting in my c-section as well.  So her and another nurse wheel me down the hall and around the corner to the operating room.  At this point I have already said bye to mom and dad and now Jim gives me a quick kiss as they tell him to stay out in the hall and they would call him in...in about 10 minutes or so.   So here begins another journey.  Kenley arriving.  The story gets more interesting if you can believe it.

Chapter 3 is next!

Chapter 2 Part 1...A week in the hospital

I have to split this week into 2 parts because of all that happens.

So here I am really dazed with my mind racing a mile a minute driving myself to the hospital (which by the way thankfully was right beside my doctors office, I probably could have walked there if I wanted to) and my phone rings and my friend Lindsi's name pops up on my screen.  I thought that it was weird she was calling me because we only call each other to talk dance stuff but here she was calling at this minute. I pick up and say hello and she says "What are you doing?" I reply driving to the hospital.  She tells me that Mary Beth (my boss) had called her and told her she was worried about me and she wanted her to call me to make sure everything was alright.  So I was on the phone with Lindsi explaining what had happened while I was driving into the hospital parking lot that I had never driven into before and was trying to read the signs and talk and figure out where to park all at the same time.  I come upon two parking spots right up front that have a sign for pregnant mothers.  Well I was a pregnant mother but here I go thinking of everyone else before myself again.  I almost pulled in the spot but knew my car would be parked there for awhile and I didn't want to take a spot away from another pregnant mother that would really need it so I passed the spot.  And mind you the parking lot was full!!! It was hard to find a spot but I found one shortly after passing up the other spot and told Lindsi I would be in contact that I was walking into the hospital.
I walk into the hospital, never having been there before so I have no clue where I'm going, and walk up to the first desk I see.  There is a woman sitting behind the desk and I tell her "I'm here to get admitted."  And she asks why...I say "Ummm, I'm having a baby."  She then asks if I need a wheelchair and I tell her no.  She tells me to get on the elevator up to the first floor take a left and I will see the people behind the desk I need to talk to.  Right then Jim calls my phone and is proceeding to ask me what I want from home.  God bless him for thinking of that and calling but here I was trying to find my way around the darn hospital and my mind was reeling...I couldn't think.  I told him I didn't know what I wanted.  Just come to the hospital and he could run back home later if he needed to.  He had stopped at the house really quick to let the dogs out and thank goodness he did because lord knows how long they would have eventually gone without going outside.
So I go upstairs and walk to the desk and tell them I'm there to be admitted.  They take my paper work and one lady walks me down the hall to another desk and she tells me they will finish helping me.  The lady (now I remember this part but some of it is not that clear because I don't remember exactly what was said but it's close enough) asks for my name and then just like you see in the movies, "Do you have your insurance card with you?"  So I give her my card, she says she'll return it in a bit and gets up to walk me to my room.  She could tell I was upset so she tried her best to reassure me that everything would be ok and that just made me cry even more.  I remember walking into my room and they were just finishing putting new sheets on my bed.  They told me to change into the gown they had for me and after that I had some paper work to fill out.  Now remember I am STILL by myself!!  I change and get on the bed to fill out the paper work but first, there is a flat screen tv in the room, I have to put on a channel I want to watch.  At least I could watch something on tv I enjoyed.  I start the paper work and right at that minute I look up to see Jim, my mom, and my second mom, Sue come into the room.  All with looks of panic on their faces.  By this time, I was done crying, I was calm and the situation was what it was.  Nothing I could do about it now.  Jim walks over to me puts his arm around me, in his other arm hes carrying my body pillow, and hugs me and starts to cry.  I hold him and let him cry for a bit but I don't get upset because I think all the upset I got out at the doctors and on the way to the hospital.  He hands me my blankie...I would be lost without that thing...and pulls up a chair beside the bed to sit with me.  Mom and Sue go and sit on the oh so comfy couch by the window. I'm being sarcastic.  The part of the hospital I was in had just been renovated a couple years ago so I must admit it was pretty darn nice but their choice of couch, that pulled out into a little bed, was as hard as a rock.  Jim can confirm that!  I was in a labor and delivery room because they wanted to hook me up to all the monitors and watch the baby to see if she was coming that night.
So the nurse comes in and gets the monitor around my tummy so we can hear Kenley's heartbeat and then tells me "I hope you brought your veins with you."  Meaning she was doing my IV and she hoped she didn't have to poke me a lot to get one.  Well here starts another interesting part of the story.  Not only did I NOT bring my veins, one nurse said I had little bird veins, but they roll also.  So the nurse sits down and I hand her my arm and she starts look to find a vein.  After a couple minutes she decides to try the other arm and see if she can find a vein in that one.  She thinks she has found one and and I have my head turned and am holding Jim's hand because I DO NOT like needles.  I hate getting my finger pricked for goodness sakes much less a huge needle put in my arm.  She sticks me, misses the vein, pulls it out and sticks me again. Only to miss again.  So she puts a bandaid on my arm and goes back to my left arm.  She looks again and then decides to get some warm blankets and wrap them around my arm. I guess this helps bring the veins to the surface of the skin or makes them easier to see.  I don't know I'm not a nurse.  Anyways she lets the blankets sit for a bit and comes back and looks again.  At this point another nurse had entered the room and she called that nurse over to look at my arm to try to do the IV.  The nurse looks at my arm and then suggests bringing another nurse in, she said her name, to do the IV. So a third nurse comes in, looks at my arm, and in one prick gets my vein.  Thank goodness.  But all this pricking is only the beginning of what I had to endure while at the hospital.  Just you wait until the part about Kenley arriving gets here!
So they start pumping me with penicillin, have me hooked up to the monitor and the armband to take my blood pressure every 30 minutes.  Now its a waiting game.  We are just waiting for Dr. Foiles to come talk to us and tell us what she thinks after they observe my monitors out in the hallway.  By this time my dad had shown up and I think now its going on about 6 o'clock.  The nurse that did my IV comes back and tells me shes going to give me a steriod shot.  It will help develop the baby's lungs quicker.  So I'm thinking  in my arm, ok here we go again with being pricked but she says "Roll on your hip to face your husband." Oh great, its going in my rear end! Lovely.  So my dad leaves, I lift my gown and she gives me the shot.  Not the greatest feeling in the world but not the worst.  She tells me I will have to get another one of those this time tomorrow night. Great.  So we are all sitting around just kind of staring at each other because we are still kind of in shock and Dr. Foiles finally comes in to talk to us.  Its been about an hour and a half at this point.  She tells me I'm not in labor but they will continue to monitor the baby through the night and if all is the same at this time tomorrow they will move me to Antepartum.  Which is part of the hospital, just down the hall, where they send pregnant ladies to wait it out.  So I was not going back home...for a very long time.  I would be on bed rest pretty much, I could get up to use the bathroom but that would be it.  They would still monitor the baby but not as much as in labor and delivery.  They would come in twice a day to listen to the heartbeat and hook me up the monitor to see if everything was going ok with her and still take my temperature and blood pressure.
So she then goes on to explain there is a magnesium solution that just recently they have been giving to women that come into the hospital with the possibility of having their baby early. (all over the US)  Research had shown (I dont remember the exact numbers) that some babies it had helped develop the brain better.  It was totally up to us if we wanted to do it but it would be 12 hours of this magnesium and it certainly wouldn't hurt the baby.  If anything it would only help.  So Jim and I decided to do it.  Well it sucked!!!  It burned when it started pumping through my IV and it made me get sick in the middle of the night.  My arm burned the whole night!
So Mom and Sue went home and we got ready for bed.  Let me tell you going to the bathroom hooked up to an IV is a challenging task.  I was scared to death of ripping the needle out of my arm and at the same time I didn't want the lines to fall into the toliet.  Also at this time I was leaking like Niagra Falls.  Everytime I would get up to go to the bathroom the flood gates would open and I would have what felt like 10 buckets of water come flowing out of me.  So people wonder why I didn't know my water had broke.  This is why.  I never experienced that until I was in the hospital.  I had a slow leak up until that time.
I also had not eaten since noon that day and they didn't want me eating anything for awhile. So I finally got to eat, I think around 9 and Jim and I tried to go to sleep for the night.  They kept coming in to take my temp and check on me and I got all of 30 minutes of sleep that night.  I think Jim slept well though.  I woke up and was going to be sick and I called his name and he didn't move.  So I called him again, he jumped up and said "What?" I said I'm going to be sick and as he runs to get the trashcan, I can't hold it anymore and throw-up my dinner on the floor beside me.  And Jim steps in it as he tries to get close to me to at least get some of it in the trash.  Poor guy.  Then I feel bad when the nurse comes in and has to clean it up.

So we make it through the night and Kenley is still cooking inside.  Thankfully my dad had gone and stayed the night at our place to take care of the dogs and he came back that day to relieve Jim of his duties.  Jim ran home to shower and get us food and I was still being monitored and checked every 30 minutes.  The nurse was getting upset with me because I wasn't resting and I was on the phone but really how I could rest. Its the middle of the day.  Its totally bright in my room and you keep coming in to check on me.

We were asked if we wanted a NICU Doctor to come talk to us as to what to expect when Kenley came because no matter when she came she was going to be spending some time in the NICU, we of course said yes.  Dr. Javier came in that day to tell us what to expect.  She covered everything. From blood transfusions to bleeds in her head to how to touch her when we finally get to do that.  Jim and I kept it together while she was with us but it was hard to.  So it was time for the nurse to come in and give me my second steriod shot.  I thought, ok, no problem.  The first one wasn't bad.  This one won't be either.  Boy was I wrong.  She hit a muscle and my leg flew up in the air and holy cow!!! It hurt like hell! My butt hurt for days afterwards!!!  I was done with magnesium and they had stopped the pencillin.  So I still had the needle in me but I wasn't hooked up to an IV any more so it was easier to go to the bathroom.  That day came and went and it was now time to move to Antepartum.