This may seem premature...no pun intended...but Jim and I were asked this question today and I can't help but think about it or even dwell on it. "So have you guys started thinking about #2?". I guess its just natural for people to automatically ask that or even be inquisitive about it after your first born. I wish I could have replied "Yep, there will be a number 2 and we plan on having it when Kenley is so and so age.". But I can't say that. So my response is, "Well, if we can figure out my issues first, then we'll see.". And those that don't know about my funky uterus just kind of look at me as if they understand what I'm talking about. Truth is I wish I could go ahead and start thinking about Baby Copeland #2, I know kind of soon seeing as K is only 9 months old right now, but I'm a planner and like to have things thought out and planned out ahead of time.(Not that I'm in control of anything...I know who is in control) But I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I'm not sure there will be a Baby C #2. Not that I would be disappointed with just having Kenley because she's a blessing within herself but at the same time I don't want her to be an only child. In a way I feel like I was cheated out of my pregnancy. I didn't get to do half the things I wanted to with Kenley. No belly cast (yes silly maybe but I always wanted to do one just to have for myself and as a kind of momento type of thing). No 3D/4D images, no child bearing classes (not that I feel we missed out on learning anything but I still wanted to have the option to participate) no enjoying being pregnant the entire 40 weeks and having a regular birth (again, not that I would have neccessarily enjoyed it but dangit, I wanted that option). No 2 day hospital stay and being able to be wheeled out of the hospital with my newborn on my lap as I saw SO many times while K was in the NICU, and I could go on and on. I know I know, most people would say stop complaining, you have a healthy baby at home right now and there are so many mommies that don't even get to bring their precious babies home with them. Please believe that I am so grateful for my girl and even though she came early, I am still thankful to our Lord for the time she did stay in my belly. Please don't get me wrong...my heart aches for the families that never get to bring their angels home...God bless them.
Also I'm petrified of having another preemie. I'm not sure I could endure emotionally another early baby. So if there is a good chance that another child would be a Kenley #2, I'm pretty sure Jim and I are done. My doctor told me right after K was born when she was informing me of what she thought my issue was, that #2 would definitely be another c-section and would most likely be another preemie. Now how early would be up for discussion because knowing now what we know, there would be many preventative measures taken to keep it in as long as possible. Well now I don't seem to have the original issue that my doctor thought I had so I'm not sure where that leaves us. She wants me to have one more procedure done where she goes in with a camera and takes a look for herself. I think its great because we'll know for sure what's going on in there but with Jims new insurance, its coverage isn't as good and it would cost money that we don't have right now to get it done. And I'm fine with that. I don't feel like I need to have it done tomorrow but within this next year I would like to get it done if for nothing else, piece of mind. What the final diagnosis is will be our deciding factor for trying to have another baby.
This had just been on my mind tonight since being asked that question and I just wanted to write about it. If I get the all clear, whenever that might be, then we will definitely try and hope and pray for another little bundle of joy but if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be. It's not something I'm going to spend time worrying about or stressing over because in the end I know it's out of my hands anyways.
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