I've wanted to write about this for awhile but wasn't quite sure what to say. Yes I can explain what it is and what not but I wanted to go deeper than that. There are so many people out there that have NEVER heard of a hemangioma (or strawberry) but on the flip side I have met people that know exactly what it is. I was also hesitant to touch on the subject because I didn't want it to come across as me being superficial or just worried about how my daughter looks. Thats not it by any means. She's beautiful to me no matter what. She could have 15 hemangiomas on her face and I would still love her the same. (now dont get me wrong, when I was first told about it and what it was I was worried for her looks...I didn't want her to get teased or treated any differently because of it) What I worry about is her self confidence and the possible ridicule she could one day receive from other children. You know it's funny...kids have NO censor to them. When we come across a little kid out in public the first thing they look at, and usually keep looking at is her "bump" and most even just come right out and turn to their parents and ask what it is. Or even point at it and say "thats a big bump!" Thats on example of one childs reaction that saw her over our Thanksgiving break. I wasn't there to witness it, my mom was holding her at the time. I don't mind those little kids comments at all. They don't know any better. They are just saying what they see which is a "bump" on her face. Most parents are horrified that their children would point something like that out but I just smile and say "It's fine" when they apologize over and over again for their child saying anything. I even welcome it when other adults do ask what it is. I would rather they ask and me give them an answer then they not ask and see the wheels turning in their head as they stare at it and try to figure out what it is.
We came across a guy just recently that asked if it was a cancerous tumor. He prefaced it with "I hope you don't mind me asking" which I think he thought would make it all better but really? It actually is a tumor, a noncancerous one but it is classified as a tumor. What if it was cancerous? I wonder how he would have felt then and would ever reconsider asking another mom and dad the same question if he ran into a child with one on their face again. It didn't really bother me, I just thought it was kind of odd. Anyways... Kenley actually has a total of 4 on her body. One on the back of her head, on the side of her head, one on her shoulder blade and the one on her chin. I was told that as long as there were 5 or less they would not go searching for more. Meaning, I guess, that if there are 5 or more on a childs body that can be seen then there are likely more growing inside of them, like in their liver or throat area. So thats one blessing to be thankful for. That it stinks she has one in such an obvious spot but it could be WAY worse. The two on her head are actually about the same size today as they were when we brought her home from the hospital. The one on her shoulder blade is a little bigger but I actually like that one. Its a really cute one. Too bad the cute one couldn't have been on her face.
The one on her chin started as a tiny tiny little red dot that showed up 2 weeks after she was born. I remember the day very well. We had just gotten done with Kangaroo Care and her doctor had come into the room to examine her for the day. He found the little dot on her chin and goes whats that? I told him we had just gotten done with Kangarooing and maybe she was laying on one of the buttons on my shirt or something and it pinched the skin and made a mark. He agreed that it could have been that but then the next day, when it was a little bit bigger he says to me, "No, I know what that is." He tells me its more than likely a hemangioma also called a stawberry and that it would contiune to get bigger. It would grow through the first year of her life and then slowly start to disappear. And if it never totally went away we could always have a plastic surgeon look at it and they could take care of it. At this point the ones on her head and back and hadn't even appeared yet. I had a stawberry on my rear end when I was little. I can still see the outline from where it used to be but its something that is only noticeable to me.
So it has gotten bigger, and it has gotten redder but it actually looks a lot better now then right after she came home from the hospital. At first when it was much smaller it would rub against her clothes and bleed and form these scary looking scabs. The scab would fall off and then it would happen all over again. Finally the scab healed over and it no longer bled. It now has started to clear itself up from the middle out. I can tell it has stopped growing but the clearing is very slow and gradual.
Right after her doctor told me what it was, me, the queen of google, went home and googled it. I read that it was very common and that one in five babies is born with one. And that they are very common in white, preemie girls. Makes sense. It goes through three stages. A growing stage, a resting stage and a disappearing stage. I have a feeling right now its in its resting stage. I am hoping soon though that it starts its disappearing stage.
When we had our developmental check-up in October, the nurse practicioner she saw wanted us to take her to the hemangioma specialist at UNC just to see what he said about it. She said he might look at it, say it it was it is, it will go away, leave it alone, have a nice day. Or he might want to try to help it go away a little faster. Apparently there are new studies out about certain drugs or ways to make hemangiomas go away faster. So I'm just interested in what he has to say.
Like my mom has said, the Lord is trying to teach us something here. Theres a reason she has this on her face. Who knows what it is. I have a feeling its a life lesson for me though. Beauty is only skin deep...don't judge a book by its cover...Its not what is on the outside that counts but what's on the inside. I know these lessons from being taught them when I was little but sometimes people need to be reminded. Regardless, I know people look at her differently because of it and I'm ok with that. We are a beauty infested world where everyone is judged on their looks. If you are little different, people look at your differently. It doesn't make me love her any less. I can only hope one day that we as a society can get over placing SO much importance on looks. If we all looked the same it would be a boring world. That's why God made is all different and unique, outside and in.
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