One More Day

Oh goodness...only ONE MORE DAY and my baby girl is ONE!!! ONE...can you believe it?  I'm not entirely sure I will be able to make it through the day tomorrow without laughing myself to tears when I think back to how far she has come and all that we have been through in a year.  I am so so so unbelievably blessed to have such a smart, sweet, loving, spitfire baby as MY baby.  I think Jim and I are in for it when she gets older...she has such a strong personality and an attitude already!  Hmmm, wonder where she gets the attitude from?!?  And boy can she make some faces...its pure comedy to watch her interact with someone and watch her little face make all kinds of different expressions.  Funny thing is, I know EXACTLY what she is thinking when she makes them too!!  Geesh, I am so in for it!

And this is her MOST favorite past time these days

She loves this dog...or just loves climbing on her and biting her ears.  But I must say that Hally is so good with her.  Most times she will just lay there and let K climb all over her.  And to get her back she licks K's face like it's going out of style!!

And a quick side note...I just got a call that K got in for her first lasering tomorrow morning.  Her procedure is at 8am so if you're the praying kind and wouldn't mind saying a small prayer for her and her doctor tomorrow that everything would go according to plan we would so appreciate it! Thank you!

The day that changed my life forever...

Today has been a weird day.  I thought as soon as I woke up, the only thing I would be able to think about was how this day played out a year ago, but it hasn't been that way.  When I do look at the time, which is sort of often when I'm seeing how close we are to nap time, I do think back to what was happening at that time last year.  So far I have ran through the events of exercising, starting to get the contractions, calling the doctors and talking to the nurse and actually as of right now, I was on the phone with them making an appointment to come in and be seen at 3pm.  As I was sitting watching Kenley play this morning, I actually got a few minutes worth of anxiety.  I think because I knew what I was getting ready to go through at this time a year ago.  Thank goodness I'm not able to see into the future...I would not have handled the events of this day well if I had know what I was in for.  I guess this tells me I deal well with surprises and with things not going according to plan.


I occupied my time this morning with checking out monkey decorations online and ordering a really cute banner for K's bday party.  That way I didn't dwell on what this day could possibly bring to me emotionally.  I thought I would be in tears all day and I actually haven't cried once so far.


I got a couple of pics of K this morning in her monkey pj's but really haven't been in the mood today to snap pics like I have been. 

I can't help but wonder, if from this day til her birthday, if I will replay as much of the days as I can remember throughout my head as they pass. I probably will for goodness sakes, who am I kidding.  I guess I like torturing myself like that.

The doctor from UNC wants to do K's first lasering on her "bump" on March 1st...to clarify we are on the waiting list for that day because all of the appointments are taken but we are on the add-on list... and part of me wants it to happen then, because I want to get the ball rolling on getting it removed, but another part of me doesn't want it to be on her 1st birthday.  Call me selfish but I want to enjoy that day with her, just me and her, and spend the time loving on her and telling her how she was born (of course she'll have no clue what I'm telling her but still) and reminiscing about how my squeaks was brought into the world, rather unexpectedly.  I kind of want it to be just a me and her day with no other intrusions. Of course if daddy didn't have to work I would want it to be a me, her and daddy day. I know she won't remember her 1st birthday but I will and I'm not entirely sure I want that day to be marked with memories of more scariness and unknown if she does have the lasering.  Two years in a row might be kind of difficult for me.

If someone cancels their appointment for their lasering then we will get a call and of course go and have it done...no since worrying about it right now.  I have no control over the situation.  I'll post about new revelations with her "bump" soon.  I was just waiting to see how things panned out.

So here we are, another year later, another year wiser. 2:21pm...I was getting ready to head to my doctors to be seen and had just gotten off the phone with Jim where he explained that he was leaving work to come home.  I told him no, it was probably just a bladder infection, I have to open the dance studio at 4 anyways. I wouldn't be there long...or so I thought.  And then my world changed forever!


Here are some pics I took yesterday when K and I got a chance to go outside because it was so flipping nice out! She even got to wear her first pair of shorts!!

                                

She LOVES being outside.  I love taking her outside because she can just sit there and sit there and observe her surroundings.  I didn't get many smiles from her yesterday because she was so busy just looking around and taking it all in.  One thing Jim and I have noticed is this girl is an observer...or nosey as we like to say.  She loves to stare at people and look at everything. 

These next pictures are pics of what my poor girl has to do while I take a shower.  If I put her downstairs in the exersaucer or pack and play and leave the room she will holler so I opt to strap her in this seat that is WAY to small for her now.  But she's a good sport and she just hangs out with me while I shower.  Granted I can't take a nice long shower like I like to but overall shes a great girl for me.

And here we are...another day closer to the big day!  8 more days!! Can you tell I'm excited!?!

The Day Before...

I've been really weepy today and I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I'm getting ready to "start" that time of the month or maybe it's because today was the beginning of the end for Jim, myself and Kenley.  Jim and I were thinking back to a year ago the other night and I remember this time very well.  We joined Barry and SuSu, good family friends, along with my mom and dad and a couple of other friends out for dinner to celebrate Barry's birthday. That was on Sunday night.  I remember being very uncomfortable that night.  She was completely vertical on the right side in my tummy and anytime I would sit down, she would get shoved up under my ribs which hurt.  Today was a normal day. (Monday)  I went into work that evening and even remember doing handstands as I was showing my girls how to do something.  I remember as I was falling asleep that night I got one small cramp in my tummy, which I look back at now and realize was a contraction.  Today was the first day of the rest of our lives...being turned upside down!  Tomorrow is the day I was admitted to the hospital.  Oh and believe I will be posting on that!


I'm not even sure what to say.  Only that I feel kind of sad.  For lots of reasons.  Sad that today was my last day of normalcy...EVER!!  Sad that as I think back, I couldn't keep her in longer.  Sad that I didn't get to have a normal pregnancy.  Sad that I put a HUGE kink in our lives.  Sad that my girl is about to be one and a whole year has already passed.  Today to me just feels like a sad day.  You have those sometimes.

I don't want to be Debbie Downer so I try to not dwell on it too much and looking at these sweet cheeks always makes me smile!

Last Thursday here was AWESOME!!  The weather was to die for and it was so warm that K was able to wear her pink tutu skirt and "I Love Rock and Roll" tank top she just got.  I haven't seen her in skirts much because its been so dang cold but now that its getting warmer out, all I want to dress her in is skirts.  They are too cute on her and something about her Buddha belly makes me grin from ear to ear!

You talkin' to me!?!?

She decided to start pulling her clothes out of her laundry basket...now if I could only teach her how to fold them then it would be all good!!!

I'll be interested to see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow morning...I wonder if I'll relive the entire day, hour by hour or if I'll only occasionally think about the events that happened throughout the day.   We shall see...til then...I'll just pass the time by kissing my sweet cheeks!!!

I'll take...Water Breaking 13 Weeks Early for a 1000 Alex...

So today is the day that it happened, actually is was tonight but same thing, exactly one year ago when our journey started.  But I didn't know it had started.  I know I know, every other mother on the face of this earth is like "How in the world did you NOT know your water had broke??"  Because I am a rare breed... obviously!!!


I was informed that you started to "discharge" more in your third trimester and I had just started the third trimester so I figured that's what it was.  I did not have a huge gush of water like a waterfall fall between my legs.  Sorry!!!  I am not a moron but I am sure there are people out there that think I am because I had no clue I had a slow leak.  In retrospect when I look back, yes, now it seemed weird to me to wake up with the crotch of my pants wet but I didn't know any better.  I stood up to go to the bathroom and there was no huge gush.  There was no blood, no weird feelings, nothing to indicate that I probably should have driven myself to the hospital right then and there.


I told K this morning that a year ago today is when her exit to the outside world began and this is what she thought of it....

She was really worried when I shared her the story (actually I was giving her bite sized piece of apples that she had never had before and the consistency was weird so hence the faces)  but I like my story better!!







But then I told her the rest of the story and how everything worked out just fine and she was much better!

March 1st is her birthday but I consider February 18th to be the REAL start to a journey that still brings laughter and tears to Jim and myself.  How can you not get a kick out of that cute thing? And how can you not shed a tear to remember what that adorable baby had to go through...and where she is now!?!  It will be a very long time from now that I will be able to talk about, think about, remember back to, what played out for this girl a year ago and not cry while thinking of it.  I hope when she is old enough to share the story with I will have gotten over the weepy crap and not sob like a little baby as I go back in time and tell her how she was brought into this world.  But knowing me I probably will!

So hard to believe that my "squeaky" girl is going to be a year old in 12 days!

She got her nickname, "squeaky", because right after we brought her home, the noises she would make sounded like squeaks.  So she's our squeaky girl...or as I sometimes call her, my "squeaky meekey".  Funny thing is she responds to "squeaks" just like she does her own name.

The day is almost here

I'm not quite sure why I find myself doing this but I am counting down the days to two life changing events that happened a year ago.  Water breaking and being admitted to the hospital.  Weird?!?  Maybe but at the same time both of these events in my life brought about MAJOR and drastic changes for Jim and myself so it might not be that weird after all.  I'm not sure if these dates will start to become less important as the years past but all I know is that right now, remembering these two events and what occurred from them is something that has stuck with me and is something that I tend to think about, though usually only briefly, every day.



It's so hard to think back and think that at this time last year, I was getting ready to go on the roller coaster from hell and I had no clue.  I was getting ready to welcome my baby into the world 11 weeks early and was not prepared at all.  Well of course I wasn't, I had no idea she was coming early.  But no literally I wasn't prepared.  Thank goodness Jim and I had decided on a name by that time.  She would have probably been Baby C for a few days after she was born if we didn't know already what we wanted to name her.


And as I get ready to celebrate her first birthday, I can't believe that a whole year has already passed.  A WHOLE flippin year!!!  This time last year I was living life like I had no cares in the world...this time this year I am scheduling doctors appointments to have her "bump" looked at, chasing her all around the house as she crawls with lightning speed from one room to another and trying to be the best mom that I can be.



I tried to have a little photo session with her today but two things occurred to me.  One, it was a lot harder than I had anticipated to get her to smile and Two, I HATE my camera.  I shouldn't say hate because it does take decent pictures and it was a gift from Jim last year to replace my old camera that I had had since 2006 but... I HATE my camera!!!  In order to capture the pictures I want I need one of those cameras that has no pause time in between snapping pics and regardless of how the picture is taken, it doesn't come out blurry and the flash doesn't always have to go off!!!  And yes I have researched these cameras...read somewhere that a good camera to start with was a Canon, maybe a rebel, but those blasted things are so darn expensive.  I mean, I have a hard time rationalizing spending $400 plus on a camera but by golly I know they take GREAT pictures.  So I guess I will continue to piss and moan until   A, I'm enough out of debt to spend money like that on a camera or B, I'm enough out of debt to get a camera like that.  So I'm hoping before Kenley has children of her own that I will be able to afford a high tech camera that takes wonderful pictures.

Enough of me complaining...here are some pictures from today from my camera that I hate!!

Wait..did I mention I HATE my camera...Ok, here are some of her smiling!

Til later...

Things Could Always Be Worse...

Just in the past couple weeks a little girl, who is only a month older than Kenley, that I know through the dance studio was hospitalized when they discovered a tumor on her liver...a caringbride site was brought to my attention when another fb friend put it on their page about another little girl, I don't know, that has been battling brain cancer since 2009 and she was only 5 when they discovered her tumor.


My heart breaks for sweet Violet...the little girl I do know...because she is so young and such a sweet girl and I adore her family and 4 older sisters.  My heart also breaks for this little girl Kate, who is battling such an enormous disease.  I guess my point is why do these little girls have to suffer?  Kind of like my little K had to suffer.  I am by no means comparing being born 11 weeks early and spending 2 months in the hospital to cancer and tumors.  They have a completly different fight on their hands.  My girl had to fight but not against such a big illness.


I moan and groan when she doesn't sleep through the night...at least I am able to have her at home with me in her own bed unlike precious Violet who is going on 3 weeks in the hospital.


I want to hide her hemangioma when we go out in public and people cant stop staring at it...at least it is not  cancerous and there is a pretty easy solution to making it go away.  I wonder sometimes why it had to happen to her...why did she have to have this hemangioma pop up on her face and it be the type that never fully goes away...at least it is in a great spot to be removed. It could be worse, it could be smack in the middle of her forehead or right in the middle of her cheek.


I get really frustrated when its lunch time and K would rather stick her hands in her mouth then eat the food I'm trying to give her...at least she is able to eat on her own and doesn't have a feeding tube down her nose.


It really stinks when other peoples not so good situations arise in your life to remind you that hey...things could always be worse, but I guess that is how life works.  So next time I get frustrated at her sleeping habits, or am just fed up and want to give the rest of her food to the dogs because shes not interested in it, I need to take a step back and think for a minute.  These are such simple things that aren't worth getting upset over.  What Violet's mom and Kate's mom wouldn't give to be able to have their babies at home and healthy.  And probably what they wouldn't give to have those as their biggest problems in their lives at this very moment.


Things Could ALWAYS be worse...take a step back and look at other people's lives and situations.  Will definitely make you feel grateful for what you do have and stop worring about what you don't have.


"Be strong and courageous...do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."    Joshua 1:9 NIV

Looking at this face I need to be reminded of this EVERY time!!
Thing could have been WAY worse with her being born so early!



To see Kate's blog go to http://www.prayforkate.com/ and click on enter blog

I would post info to Violet's caringbride site but her mom and dad have it on lock down and I'm pretty sure if they don't know you they won't let you enter to see her journey...but I will do some posts on her progress in the near future.
 I know these two little girls can use ALL the prayers they can get right now so if you're the praying kind, please say a prayer for healing for these two angels.

March for the Babies...

With Kenley arriving early and spending so much time in the hospital, it seems only natural that the March of Dimes is now a cause I hold near and dear to my heart.  I had always heard of the March of Dimes and seen their cute little posters up but of course because I didn't have any babies at the time, much less a baby that needed medical help, then I never payed them much mind.  Things have changed in a year...needless to say.


I will be walking on April 30th in honor of my sweet girl and all the babies that are born too early or too sick to fight on their own.  Without the March of Dimes, I'm not entirely sure my girl would be here with us today.  They have done such great things in the past, oh I'd say, 10 years to ensure that our little ones that are born too early or weak are given a fighting chance.  I plan on walking in this event from every year here on out, until I can't walk anymore at least!


I would LOVE ALL the support I can get.  Whether its by having you join my team to come walk with me on that day or even being able to make a small donation to the March of Dimes.  I have set my team goal at $700 but feel pretty confident that I'll be able to raise much more than that for this wonderful organization.  You can view my teams website on the home page of my blog.  The link is at the top...right under the picture of Kenley and myself...and its labled as March for the Babies.  It takes you right to my page where you can sign up to walk with me...and by the way I would LOVE for anyone that is in the area and that is free that day to join my team and help represent the Kenley girl by joining me for the walk...or you can make a donation.  Please know that either way Kenley, Jim and myself appreciate however you can help.  Even if it's only being with us in spirit on that day.

Thank you for supporting us in our first "March for the Babies"!!  Here's to hoping that on that day, Kenley will be able to "March" a few of the steps by herself!!