Developmental Clinic

I decided to take a quick break from writing about Kenley's NICU experience and touch on the developmental clinic which is happening tomorrow. With my next post I will get back into our story.

So when Kenley got discharged from the hospital, among other appointments, one for the developmental clinic was made. All babies born before (either 32 or 33 weeks...I can't remember which) are scheduled to come back and get assessed developmentally. Babies born that early are more likely to have development issues so they want to check her and see how she is doing. I am guessing that if they feel she needs to work with a therapist on a specific area, they will see that and make sure she gets all the extra help she needs.

When I knew she was going to come early the first thing I thought about and became concerned about was how being born early would affect her developmentally. Its tough enough to be a kid these days without having extra issues. The last thing I want is for her to have any kind of problems or issues. And I'm sure I'm not the only parent that thinks this...whether they have a preemie or not.

Personally, I think she is doing great. Yes I know she is 7 months old but developmentally she is only 5 months (almost...she'll be 5 months on the 17th)

What it boils down to is my worry and fears about her not developing properly. I mean technically it is my fault that she came so early so if she were to have problems, its hard not to feel guilty about it. I know I shouldn't feel bad but I can't help it. I hold the guilt that she was born at 29 weeks, that she was in the hospital for 2 months, that she was poked and proded for so long, that she was only 2 lb 7 oz and 14 inches long. I think I will hold that guilt with me til the day I die. But at the same time I have to recognize and appreciate where she's at now. I can't dwell on how I feel. What I need to dwell on is that even though I feel guilty, the reality is is that she survived. She is healthy, she is growing and thriving every day and what is in the past is in the past. I know she was born early for a reason. I know Jim and I have gone through the experiences we have gone through with her for a reason. I know some of those reasons today, not all of them though and I probably won't know all of them this side of heaven.

It doesn't matter if we see the doctor tomorrow and he tells us she'll need to see every therapist alive til the day she dies. What does matter is that she is a happy healthy little girl and Jim and I are having a blast being parents to her (most of the time, we do get stressed every now and then...what mommy or daddy doesn't sometimes). We have been given this beautiful gift and we never know what tomorrow will bring so live each day to the fullest...I know this all too well obviously. Nothing can change the love we have in our hearts for this girl...nothing.