I'll take...Water Breaking 13 Weeks Early for a 1000 Alex...

So today is the day that it happened, actually is was tonight but same thing, exactly one year ago when our journey started.  But I didn't know it had started.  I know I know, every other mother on the face of this earth is like "How in the world did you NOT know your water had broke??"  Because I am a rare breed... obviously!!!


I was informed that you started to "discharge" more in your third trimester and I had just started the third trimester so I figured that's what it was.  I did not have a huge gush of water like a waterfall fall between my legs.  Sorry!!!  I am not a moron but I am sure there are people out there that think I am because I had no clue I had a slow leak.  In retrospect when I look back, yes, now it seemed weird to me to wake up with the crotch of my pants wet but I didn't know any better.  I stood up to go to the bathroom and there was no huge gush.  There was no blood, no weird feelings, nothing to indicate that I probably should have driven myself to the hospital right then and there.


I told K this morning that a year ago today is when her exit to the outside world began and this is what she thought of it....

She was really worried when I shared her the story (actually I was giving her bite sized piece of apples that she had never had before and the consistency was weird so hence the faces)  but I like my story better!!







But then I told her the rest of the story and how everything worked out just fine and she was much better!

March 1st is her birthday but I consider February 18th to be the REAL start to a journey that still brings laughter and tears to Jim and myself.  How can you not get a kick out of that cute thing? And how can you not shed a tear to remember what that adorable baby had to go through...and where she is now!?!  It will be a very long time from now that I will be able to talk about, think about, remember back to, what played out for this girl a year ago and not cry while thinking of it.  I hope when she is old enough to share the story with I will have gotten over the weepy crap and not sob like a little baby as I go back in time and tell her how she was brought into this world.  But knowing me I probably will!

So hard to believe that my "squeaky" girl is going to be a year old in 12 days!

She got her nickname, "squeaky", because right after we brought her home, the noises she would make sounded like squeaks.  So she's our squeaky girl...or as I sometimes call her, my "squeaky meekey".  Funny thing is she responds to "squeaks" just like she does her own name.

The day is almost here

I'm not quite sure why I find myself doing this but I am counting down the days to two life changing events that happened a year ago.  Water breaking and being admitted to the hospital.  Weird?!?  Maybe but at the same time both of these events in my life brought about MAJOR and drastic changes for Jim and myself so it might not be that weird after all.  I'm not sure if these dates will start to become less important as the years past but all I know is that right now, remembering these two events and what occurred from them is something that has stuck with me and is something that I tend to think about, though usually only briefly, every day.



It's so hard to think back and think that at this time last year, I was getting ready to go on the roller coaster from hell and I had no clue.  I was getting ready to welcome my baby into the world 11 weeks early and was not prepared at all.  Well of course I wasn't, I had no idea she was coming early.  But no literally I wasn't prepared.  Thank goodness Jim and I had decided on a name by that time.  She would have probably been Baby C for a few days after she was born if we didn't know already what we wanted to name her.


And as I get ready to celebrate her first birthday, I can't believe that a whole year has already passed.  A WHOLE flippin year!!!  This time last year I was living life like I had no cares in the world...this time this year I am scheduling doctors appointments to have her "bump" looked at, chasing her all around the house as she crawls with lightning speed from one room to another and trying to be the best mom that I can be.



I tried to have a little photo session with her today but two things occurred to me.  One, it was a lot harder than I had anticipated to get her to smile and Two, I HATE my camera.  I shouldn't say hate because it does take decent pictures and it was a gift from Jim last year to replace my old camera that I had had since 2006 but... I HATE my camera!!!  In order to capture the pictures I want I need one of those cameras that has no pause time in between snapping pics and regardless of how the picture is taken, it doesn't come out blurry and the flash doesn't always have to go off!!!  And yes I have researched these cameras...read somewhere that a good camera to start with was a Canon, maybe a rebel, but those blasted things are so darn expensive.  I mean, I have a hard time rationalizing spending $400 plus on a camera but by golly I know they take GREAT pictures.  So I guess I will continue to piss and moan until   A, I'm enough out of debt to spend money like that on a camera or B, I'm enough out of debt to get a camera like that.  So I'm hoping before Kenley has children of her own that I will be able to afford a high tech camera that takes wonderful pictures.

Enough of me complaining...here are some pictures from today from my camera that I hate!!

Wait..did I mention I HATE my camera...Ok, here are some of her smiling!

Til later...

Things Could Always Be Worse...

Just in the past couple weeks a little girl, who is only a month older than Kenley, that I know through the dance studio was hospitalized when they discovered a tumor on her liver...a caringbride site was brought to my attention when another fb friend put it on their page about another little girl, I don't know, that has been battling brain cancer since 2009 and she was only 5 when they discovered her tumor.


My heart breaks for sweet Violet...the little girl I do know...because she is so young and such a sweet girl and I adore her family and 4 older sisters.  My heart also breaks for this little girl Kate, who is battling such an enormous disease.  I guess my point is why do these little girls have to suffer?  Kind of like my little K had to suffer.  I am by no means comparing being born 11 weeks early and spending 2 months in the hospital to cancer and tumors.  They have a completly different fight on their hands.  My girl had to fight but not against such a big illness.


I moan and groan when she doesn't sleep through the night...at least I am able to have her at home with me in her own bed unlike precious Violet who is going on 3 weeks in the hospital.


I want to hide her hemangioma when we go out in public and people cant stop staring at it...at least it is not  cancerous and there is a pretty easy solution to making it go away.  I wonder sometimes why it had to happen to her...why did she have to have this hemangioma pop up on her face and it be the type that never fully goes away...at least it is in a great spot to be removed. It could be worse, it could be smack in the middle of her forehead or right in the middle of her cheek.


I get really frustrated when its lunch time and K would rather stick her hands in her mouth then eat the food I'm trying to give her...at least she is able to eat on her own and doesn't have a feeding tube down her nose.


It really stinks when other peoples not so good situations arise in your life to remind you that hey...things could always be worse, but I guess that is how life works.  So next time I get frustrated at her sleeping habits, or am just fed up and want to give the rest of her food to the dogs because shes not interested in it, I need to take a step back and think for a minute.  These are such simple things that aren't worth getting upset over.  What Violet's mom and Kate's mom wouldn't give to be able to have their babies at home and healthy.  And probably what they wouldn't give to have those as their biggest problems in their lives at this very moment.


Things Could ALWAYS be worse...take a step back and look at other people's lives and situations.  Will definitely make you feel grateful for what you do have and stop worring about what you don't have.


"Be strong and courageous...do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."    Joshua 1:9 NIV

Looking at this face I need to be reminded of this EVERY time!!
Thing could have been WAY worse with her being born so early!



To see Kate's blog go to http://www.prayforkate.com/ and click on enter blog

I would post info to Violet's caringbride site but her mom and dad have it on lock down and I'm pretty sure if they don't know you they won't let you enter to see her journey...but I will do some posts on her progress in the near future.
 I know these two little girls can use ALL the prayers they can get right now so if you're the praying kind, please say a prayer for healing for these two angels.

March for the Babies...

With Kenley arriving early and spending so much time in the hospital, it seems only natural that the March of Dimes is now a cause I hold near and dear to my heart.  I had always heard of the March of Dimes and seen their cute little posters up but of course because I didn't have any babies at the time, much less a baby that needed medical help, then I never payed them much mind.  Things have changed in a year...needless to say.


I will be walking on April 30th in honor of my sweet girl and all the babies that are born too early or too sick to fight on their own.  Without the March of Dimes, I'm not entirely sure my girl would be here with us today.  They have done such great things in the past, oh I'd say, 10 years to ensure that our little ones that are born too early or weak are given a fighting chance.  I plan on walking in this event from every year here on out, until I can't walk anymore at least!


I would LOVE ALL the support I can get.  Whether its by having you join my team to come walk with me on that day or even being able to make a small donation to the March of Dimes.  I have set my team goal at $700 but feel pretty confident that I'll be able to raise much more than that for this wonderful organization.  You can view my teams website on the home page of my blog.  The link is at the top...right under the picture of Kenley and myself...and its labled as March for the Babies.  It takes you right to my page where you can sign up to walk with me...and by the way I would LOVE for anyone that is in the area and that is free that day to join my team and help represent the Kenley girl by joining me for the walk...or you can make a donation.  Please know that either way Kenley, Jim and myself appreciate however you can help.  Even if it's only being with us in spirit on that day.

Thank you for supporting us in our first "March for the Babies"!!  Here's to hoping that on that day, Kenley will be able to "March" a few of the steps by herself!!

Almost a year....

It is so hard to remember what life was like this time a year ago.


I had no worries, life was good...don't get me wrong it's still good...but I had a belly and had no thoughts of that belly disappearing anytime soon.


Boy was I wrong.  But I have learned so much in this past year and would not, for one second, go back and change a thing about it.



God gave us this sweet little girl...

And she has grown into this amazing, beautiful creature...

I could not imagine life without her!

Bringing Kenley home

I may forget a lot of things in my lifetime and I may not remember things exactly how they happened but I will NEVER forget the day we brought her home and the feelings I experienced that day.

Every day I arrived at the NICU and walked down that long hallway to go see Kenley I always imagined what the day would be like when she got discharged and we got to take her home. I planned on having the hallways lined with family and friends like a parade when we got to leave with her.

The day we got to take her home was a fabulous day but a scary one too! Just the day before, Kenley had been suited up with a take home monitor that I had to be schooled on in 15 minutes flat. Jim was at work so he wasn't there to learn how to put it on, take it off, turn it on, turn it off, what you do if the alarms go off and on and on. So here I am trying to remember everything this lady is telling me and hoping that I remember it correctly. Of course, that monitor became like second nature to Jim and I because she had to wear it for almost 3 months.

That entire day was so surreal to me. I remember getting up that morning and getting ready and even getting teary eyed as we drove to the hospital. We had driven that same route an ENDLESS amount of times and the fact that the day that we didn't have to drive it EVER again had arrived was so bittersweet to us. We were at the hospital for awhile. Its not like we walked in, scooped her up and got to leave. We had to wait for her doctor to draw up the discharge papers and for him to finally come in and give Kenley one last evaluation and then sign off on the papers. We also had paper work to fill out and a run down of when her first pediartic appointment was, her first opthamologist appointment was and her first developmental clinic appointment was. We had to sign off that we knew these appointments were important and if we missed them then we could not hold that doctor responsible for any "further damage" that might occur to Kenley by not bringing her.

We had Kenleys nurse that day, Helen, who was great but we also had Donna show up to see us off. Those two made sure we were stocked with everything we needed. Apparently, anything that had been used on Kenley while she was there was now her property, aka anything in her room, so they got two or three plastic bags and tossed everything in! Diapers, wipes, ointments, bath wash, her little pink tub, all the little tobogans she had ever worn on her head, and even the hand made quilt that had covered her isolet when she was first born. Also lots of formula that we would need. It was the best experience! To have these two ladies basically clearing out the room for us and making sure we had everything we needed was just amazing...I wish I could describe in even better detail how that time went and how I felt.

We got Kenley dressed in her going home outfit, Dr. Moya came and gave her the all clear, my mom arrived, Jim went and pulled the car to the front of the hospital and we were off!!! Helen and Donna walked us out, after we got K all snug in her carseat, and it was the most Amazing feeling! It was like I was in a dream. I felt like I was floating the whole way out of that place. I always thought I would boohoo the entire way out but I couldn't stop smiling. I think I always thought I would cry because at any given time while she was there, I could bust into tears, but that day was just too joyous for tears, even happy ones. While I was overjoyed to be taking K home, I was also sad to be leaving, what I considered my second home. I had just spent 2 months of my life getting to know the nurses and spending almost every waking moment in this hospital and that has now come to a sudden and abrupt end. I never thought about how it would be after we got her home. The sudden friendships that came to a screeching halt and the completly different life we would now lead. My life was that NICU for so long and then just like that, life had changed. I didn't walk into the hospital one day, have a bay and get to leave with that baby a couple days later like most other mommys get to. I got to know nurses and doctors and other people that were all of a sudden not in my daily or weekly life anymore. They didn't prep me for that. I didn't realize that that within itself would be a hard transition. I wanted to take my girl home but I didn't want to not ever see some of those people again. But sadly that's been the case. When you leave the NICU you also leave the people that have so lovinly taken care of your baby and you for so long. Those nurses are angels walking around on earth. God has put special hearts into each and everyone of them.

The ride home went quick. We got K inside, I sat her down, looked at her in her carseat and said to jim "what do we do now???". And so began our journey of FINALLY being parents...well that what it felt like to us.

To have or not to have...that is the question

This may seem premature...no pun intended...but Jim and I were asked this question today and I can't help but think about it or even dwell on it. "So have you guys started thinking about #2?". I guess its just natural for people to automatically ask that or even be inquisitive about it after your first born. I wish I could have replied "Yep, there will be a number 2 and we plan on having it when Kenley is so and so age.". But I can't say that. So my response is, "Well, if we can figure out my issues first, then we'll see.". And those that don't know about my funky uterus just kind of look at me as if they understand what I'm talking about. Truth is I wish I could go ahead and start thinking about Baby Copeland #2, I know kind of soon seeing as K is only 9 months old right now, but I'm a planner and like to have things thought out and planned out ahead of time.(Not that I'm in control of anything...I know who is in control) But I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I'm not sure there will be a Baby C #2. Not that I would be disappointed with just having Kenley because she's a blessing within herself but at the same time I don't want her to be an only child. In a way I feel like I was cheated out of my pregnancy. I didn't get to do half the things I wanted to with Kenley. No belly cast (yes silly maybe but I always wanted to do one just to have for myself and as a kind of momento type of thing). No 3D/4D images, no child bearing classes (not that I feel we missed out on learning anything but I still wanted to have the option to participate) no enjoying being pregnant the entire 40 weeks and having a regular birth (again, not that I would have neccessarily enjoyed it but dangit, I wanted that option). No 2 day hospital stay and being able to be wheeled out of the hospital with my newborn on my lap as I saw SO many times while K was in the NICU, and I could go on and on. I know I know, most people would say stop complaining, you have a healthy baby at home right now and there are so many mommies that don't even get to bring their precious babies home with them. Please believe that I am so grateful for my girl and even though she came early, I am still thankful to our Lord for the time she did stay in my belly. Please don't get me wrong...my heart aches for the families that never get to bring their angels home...God bless them.

Also I'm petrified of having another preemie. I'm not sure I could endure emotionally another early baby. So if there is a good chance that another child would be a Kenley #2, I'm pretty sure Jim and I are done. My doctor told me right after K was born when she was informing me of what she thought my issue was, that #2 would definitely be another c-section and would most likely be another preemie. Now how early would be up for discussion because knowing now what we know, there would be many preventative measures taken to keep it in as long as possible. Well now I don't seem to have the original issue that my doctor thought I had so I'm not sure where that leaves us. She wants me to have one more procedure done where she goes in with a camera and takes a look for herself. I think its great because we'll know for sure what's going on in there but with Jims new insurance, its coverage isn't as good and it would cost money that we don't have right now to get it done. And I'm fine with that. I don't feel like I need to have it done tomorrow but within this next year I would like to get it done if for nothing else, piece of mind. What the final diagnosis is will be our deciding factor for trying to have another baby.

This had just been on my mind tonight since being asked that question and I just wanted to write about it. If I get the all clear, whenever that might be, then we will definitely try and hope and pray for another little bundle of joy but if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be. It's not something I'm going to spend time worrying about or stressing over because in the end I know it's out of my hands anyways.